Kickoff
Jun 16, 2008 Book Review, Colts Shmolts, Colvin, I really dig my readers, Kickoff, Vacation-related posts
Seeing the world through Rosy-colored glasses. Via reader Charlie, we get the breaking news that Rosevelt Colvin is going to sign with the Texans. I plan on doing a bigger post about him and, more importantly, the impact of this signing on our 4-3 later, but I wanted to mention it here as well as point to this post over at Stampede Blue. Suck it, BBS. (Seriously, Greenwood “stinks?” Do you watch football?)
If the Queen had balls, she’d be the King. Via Eric, a WhatIfSports breakdown of the AFC South. Guess who they have in last, with a record of 6-10. Now guess which blogger thinks the person who wrote said article is a cockrag. That’s right.
Nerd. Recently, the Texans launched ImATexan.com, which is like myspace for Texans fans. Which, yes, is as awful and lame as it sounds. Judging from the comments around there, though, I’ve got to give the fans a little credit–they are true believers. ”I know we’ll win the division this year… 12-4…” “10-6 at the very least.”
Me reed? Finally, just like last year, I return from vacation with a couple book recommendations. First, for the real dorks in the crowd (read: all you engineering fellows), I present Bad Astronomy. The author also runs badastronomy.com, and just like at the website, his book breaks down the myths and just plain stupid shit that people believe when it comes to Earth and sky. Very informative. Second, I know I am years late on this one, but When Pride Still Mattered is a fantastic book and one every football fan should read.
Things That Are Currently True
Jun 11, 2008 Phone Posts, Self-Referential Stuff, Vacation-related posts
1. I am still at the beach.
2. I am literally sitting on the beach, looking at the Gulf of Mexico, as I write this.
3. I am lame.
4. Incredibly lame.
5. BFD is doing an awesome job holding down the fort.
6. This place is not really a fort.
7. Beer is much better when you are on vacation.
8. I am posting by phone.
9. See nos. 3 and 4, supra.
10. Only asshole lawyer-types use the word “supra.”
11. I turn thirty in two days.
12. Petey turns 29 the same day.
13. Fate has a sense of humor.
14. I am not a fan of turning 30.
15. I am drunk.
16. I am wearing a ridiculous cowboy hat that is somehow acceptable because of my location.
17. I am probably fooling myself re: the cowboy hat.
18. DeMeco is a god in Alabama and people talk about him to me whenever I wear my Texans hat.
19. Alabamans (?) need to get out more.
20. Time for another beer.
You’ll be the first modern-day pirate, Jerry!
Oct 5, 2007 2007 Season, Batman, Demarcus Faggins sucks, Fuck the Cowboys, Inanity, Predictions Guaranteed To Go Wrong, Sandy Vag, Self-Referential Stuff, Vacation-related posts
Before we get to this week’s picks, for which I know you are all waiting with bated breath, we here at DGDB&D have an important, late-breaking announcement.
Saturday, October 20, 2007, yours truly will be in the Space City. While this standing alone is not really newsworthy, this part is: The Notorious T.I.M. and I will be getting together at an as-yet-undetermined bar for another round of BLOG DORK DRINKING. Now long-time readers–by which I mean “anyone who was reading at the end of July–might recall that my last trip to H-town did not exactly go off without a hitch. (Some jerks continue to mock me for this. Jerks.)
This has the potential to be bigger than a P-Diddy afterparty. Or, it could just wind up being less than 5 people again. Whatever. The first thing we need to do is determine which unlucky watering hole will be hosting this, the mother of all parties. (Too much hype?) That’s where you, the reader, come in. Suggest away, but with the following caveat: I don’t really do “hip.” I don’t want to feel like the oldest person in the room, either. Oh, and it should not be the type of place where David Carr would feel comfortable. If you know what I mean. Let’s get this party started.
Last week: 7-7 (eww.)
Season: 37-24
Week 5 Picks
Byes: Oakland, Cincinnati, Minnesota, and Philadelphia
Atlanta @ Tennessee. You wouldn’t have known it by looking at last week’s game (dammit), but the Falcons are pretty awful against the run. And Tennessee is pretty not-awful when it comes to running the football. I’m also kinda sure that Tennessee will not make the same mistakes we did (mainly because they don’t have Petey Faggins), so Harrington will not look like the love child of Joe Montana and Johnny Unitas. Pick: Tennessee
Jacksonville @ Kansas City. You know what? It’s about time some of the other damn teams in the AFC South start losing a few games. Analysis is out the window, as is any sort of reasoning. (See, I’m just like Gary Kubiak!!!) Fuck you, David Garrard. Pick: Kansas City
Arizona @ St. Louis. Gus Frerotte? Seriously? Pick: Arizona
Cleveland @ New England. I just traded for Randy Moss, giving up Ronnie Brown (aka Mr. Sell High) and Steve Smith. I might have given up a little too much, but I just can’t trust my WR production to David Carr. I mention this only to warn other Randy Moss owners, because anyone on my team this season is highly likely to miss time with an injury (Steven Jackson, Ahman Green, Jacoby Jones, Jake Delhomme, etc.) Pick: New England
Carolina @ New Orleans. Question: How can the Panthers, who we beat handily not that long ago and who are now piloted by their magnificently quaffed backup QB, be higher in the ESPN power rankings than the Texans? Follow-up question: How many more 2 catch games is Steve Smith going to have before he snaps and beats the shit out of someone in the locker room? Final question: Is anyone else as excited (in a schadenfreude kind of way) about seeing Reggie Bush attempt to be a primary back as I am? Pick: New Orleans
New York Jets @ New York Giants. Wow. I mean, seriously, WOW. When I picked Philly to win last week against NYG, I didn’t factor in Winston Justice, who apparently could not stop me from getting to Donovan McNabb, let alone stop the Nigerian Jesus, Osi Umenyiora. The Giants probably won’t get 12 sacks again this week, but I imagine the Jets QBs made the same faces watching the game tape as a dude would make as he realized the topless chick on the Girls Gone Wild video was his daughter. Pick: New York Giants
Seattle @ Pittsburgh. It’s a rematch of the Super Bowl that no one outside of those two cities care about at all. Wasn’t Jerome Bettis involved in some way? Something about that lime green accent color makes me hate the Seahawks. Besides which, Pittsburgh is much better than they looked last week. Pick: Pittsburgh
Detroit @ Washington. I’m no doctor–shocking, I know–but when a guy gets hit in the head and suddenly thinks Jesus is talking to him, that might be a sign that the concussion is pretty bad and NOT a sign that the Almighty gives two shits about the Detroit Lions. And when those same Lions beat the shitty Bears, I don’t think that’s proof that the Lions are blessed or special. I mean, do you think God would let his favorite team be piloted by Matt Millen for so long? Even Job didn’t have it THAT bad. Pick: Washington
Miami @ JUGGERNAUT. Miami has a porous run defense. Luckily for them, they get Zach Thomas back AND get to face Ron Dayne. That’ll cure what ails ya; just ask the Falcons. THAT SAID, I like the Texans in this game because (a) I think they’ll knock the shit out of Trent “Noodle-Arm” Green and (b) I don’t think Ronnie Brown will get much of anything this week against our run D. Of course, the wild card in my scenario continues to be the blind, one-legged, retarded midget playing CB2. Still, we’ll right the ship this week. Pick: Houston
Tampa Bay @ Indianapolis. Like you, I am lost as to how the Bucs keep winning. Thankfully, this week, I don’t have to think about it. Instead, I can focus on eating my weight in ribs at Cozy Corner and Rendezvous in Memphis tomorrow. I’m drooling now. Pick: Indy
San Diego @ Denver. I’m trying to come up with an analogy for what Norv Turner has done to this team. How about this: remember the Seinfeld episode where George was the hand model? Well, last year’s Chargers were George and Norv Turner is the hot iron that George falls into at the end. Or, alternatively, the Chargers were River Phoenix and Norv Turner is heroin. Pick: Denver
Baltimore @ San Francisco. I cannot find one interesting or entertaining thing about this game. So, instead, I’ll mention again that I really do want some bar suggestions. Pick: Baltimore
Chicago @ Green Bay. So, yeah, that Brian Griese thing…not as impressive as I’d hoped. Pick: Green Bay
Dallas @ Buffalo. The pick is obvious. The only question is will Buffalo even score? God, I hate the Cowboys. Pick: Dallas
Houston means that I’m one day closer to you
Jul 30, 2007 Beer, Demarcus Faggins sucks, Jacoby Jones is unheralded, Mexican food, Secondary issues are primary, Self-Referential Stuff, Super Mario, The Fred, Training camp 2007, Vacation-related posts
Well, that didn’t exactly pan out like it was supposed to.1
I was supposed to spend all day Saturday at the Methodist Training Center; instead, I spent all day at Methodist hospital. I was supposed to see at least three (possibly four) practices; instead, I saw not a second. I was supposed to eat my body weight twice over in Mexican food and brisket; instead, I managed only a trip to Ninfa’s yesterday afternoon before I left Houston.
Which is not to say the weekend was all bad. The First Annual Texans Blogger Symposium and Drinkathon went off swimmingly. Tim and I (later joined by reader Will and his girlfriend2) solved a number of the Texans’ problems.
- We decided that (a) someone should run over Travis Johnson as he crossed the street, even if that means we can only afford to pay league minimum for a third string DT.
- We opined that Jacoby Jones is totally deserving of the mancrush all of us seem to be saddling him with, as we are pretty sure Kevin Walter will never be a viable #2.
- There was much discussion about blogging in general–a topic that I’m sure you can never hear enough about–and how Will Leitch changed everything (and is likely underpaid).
- Of course, there was discussion about the drafting of Mario Williams and, tangentially, the degree to which we love (Tim) or loathe (Me) a certain Titans’ QB.
- Sandwiched between jokes about my feelings re: Petey Faggins, we agreed that our best hope is that Fred Bennett can play CB2 and that, were we in charge, we’d put him there with instructions not to worry about play action–just stay with your WR, son.
- I believe there were at least three T-shirt ideas thrown out, which I am totally going to use. As soon as I remember what they were. They were funny, though. I think.
Other, non-Friday night stuff. I chose Ninfa’s yesterday for three reasons. First, it was the only place that received more than one vote, with Stacy and Tim both chiming in on it. Second, it was a ten-minute drive from the hotel. Third, when a place is described as “legendary,” I almost feel obliged to try it first. Anyway, I ordered the two beef tacos a la Ninfa and Stacy was right–those were the best tacos I have ever had. The salsa verde was awesome. The sopaipilla was excellent. And so on, and so forth.
Three other random tidbits about the weekend before I quit with the self-referential crap and turn to actual developments with the team.
- For lack of a better category, file this following under “Weird Shit. On the first leg of my flight (LR-DAL), seated a mere six rows ahead of me was one Barry Switzer. I still can’t figure out what the hell a former pro coach (who should still have millions in illegal booster money from his college coaching days hidden away in the Caymans) would be doing flying Southwest Airlines. Tim’s suggestion was “probably because they have a lax firearm-screening policy,” which is slightly more likely than my theory of him acting as Michael Irvin’s coke mule.
- Since moving to Little Rock, I have labored under the assumption that no sports radio could be worse than what we have here. Well 610 certainly gave that theory a run for its money. I was listening to drivetime on Friday and was shocked at how little grasp the two dudes had on NFL contracts, money, and suspensions. An entire discussion of Tank Johnson and who might sign him without a single mention of how he had to be signed BEFORE the suspension would take place. Dumb.
- So, that Galleria Mall of yours? Jesus.
1 Note my finely-honed gift of understatement.
2 I am completely blanking on her name, for which I apologize. I do remember, however, that she invented a drink that we named the “David Carr.” It is a not-so-potent concoction of Sprite, grenadine, and gin. It is pink. You can also turn it into the “Sandy Vag” by serving it in a salt- or sugar-rimmed glass.
1408 meets Sloop John B
Jul 28, 2007 Self-Referential Stuff, Training camp 2007, Vacation-related posts, Vomitopia
I didn’t make it to either of the practices today. Not because it rained. Not because I was hungover. But because I spent the entire friggin’ day in the emergency room at Methodist.
The good news is that I do not have Super Aids. The bad news is that I have a horrible sinus infection. Which, according to the doctor, was why I woke up at 5AM feeling like someone was beating the inside of my skull with a nine iron. And, apparently, why I threw up 11 times today. Somehow, this is Petey’s fault; I am sure of it.
While I still hope to go to one or both practices tomorrow, you could say that this trip is not working out like it was planned.
Chuck D isn’t sure whether to buy the hype
Jun 9, 2007 Amobi Okoye is 19, Hype, Preview, Tequila, Vacation-related posts
Greetings from the Redneck Riviera! Stage Two of Vacation 2007 took us from Phoenix, where it was 109 degrees with zero humidity, to the shores of the Gulf of Mexico, where it is 90 degrees with 90 percent humidity.
Not that you care about the weather, or even about my whereabouts.
Anyway, on the drive down here Thursday night, I was thinking about hype. More accurately, I was trying to think of things that had lived up to their advanced level of promotion. The list was pretty short.
Pulp Fiction. Roger Creager in concert. Bo Jackson’s arm. Patron tequila. Miami nightlife. The Mousetrap. LeBron James. That’s about it.
What does this have to do with anything? Well… I was thinking about all of that in the context of Manchild.
[Author's Note: Right here is where I'd planned to do a long post about defensive tackles taken with top 10 picks. That will have to wait, though, as a I have a beach and cooler full of beer calling me. More later.]
Petey Faggins inspires much electronic correspondence
Jun 5, 2007 Demarcus Faggins sucks, Dunta Robinson, Gary Kubiak might be high, KC Joyner, Secondary issues are primary, Vacation-related posts
109°. That’s the high today. While it is technically a “dry heat,” a lack of humidity can only do so much to make the temperature bearable. Still, I was in the pool by 7AM, so this place really beats going to work.
Vacationing from work, however, does not seem to equal vacationing from the Petey Faggins Affair. Some responsibilities are shirk-proof.
Uber-fan Steph emailed me last night with the following:
Because you can’t get enough Petey Faggins news.
Just trying to torment you a little:
Great. The part of the article about Petey says P-Fag1 is the “frontrunner to play opposite of Dunta Robinson.” Now, I suppose that “frontrunner” is not the same as “guaranteed starter,” but it sure seems close in coach-speak.
If Faggins were good enough to be a starting CB2 in the NFL, such a proclamation would be ok. Unfortunately, Petey is not and, so, the statement is not.
Now, every single time I deride Demarcus, I get an email or a comment or whatever sticking up for him. Usually, buried in the defense is something to the effect of “but… he has so much HEART” or “he was injured last year.” Both of these things are true. You know what else is true? THEY DON’T MATTER. Faggins is not talented enough to play CB2.
Round and round we go. I keep saying the same thing; people keep replying the same way. So, I decided there was need to bring in some outside help. Because Friend of DGDB&D KC Joyner is the only national writer who will reply to me with any sort of substance, I went to the well one more time.
I asked KC just for his general thoughts on Petey. His response:
I don’t have Faggins YPA right in front of me but I know he has been mediocre the past couple of years. I had him at one point as one of the better nickel CBs in the league, and he still might be qualified for that, but I don’t think he can handle a starting role.
Two things are interesting here: First, KC agrees with me. Boo yah. Second, though, is the comment that Faggins is “one of the better nickel CBs.” Isn’t this what we have been hearing about him for a while–that he would be much better suited in this role? Answer: Yes, it is. See, e.g., this post from Battle Red Blog, where Tim states, “It’s clearly Petey Faggins’ gig to lose, but we hear and read all too often that Faggins would be best utilized as a nickel back.”
Now, I am one of the first people to point out that just because something is said over and over does not necessarily mean it is true. Hell, I’ve made roughly 2342719286 posts about the offensive line based on that premise. Still, in the case of the offensive line, there is/was statistical proof backing up my assertions. Here, in the case of Petey, the only argument in his favor is that he was gimpy last season. Problem is, the claims that he would be better at nickelback were made well before the foot injury. Additional problem is, all of the measurables seem to point to the conclusion that he will never be an NFL-quality CB2.
All that being said, why in the world is the coaching staff so reticent to put Faggins in a position where he could actually be “one of the better” players in the NFL? What would it hurt to give Bennett or Fletcher or Horton or Hutchins or Joe The Peanut Vendor a real shot at CB2 to see if one of them could actually do it better? I can’t come up with a rational answer for any of these questions. And, to be honest, thinking about irrational answers for them is giving me a headache and making me irritated, which is not what I need on my vacation. So, for now at least, I will leave the issue alone.
I guarantee this isn’t the last of it, though, either on my part or on that of the Texans.
1 This is probably not the best nickname.
Johnnie Morton is NOT Rampage Jackson
Jun 4, 2007 MMA, Preview, Sam Adams, Sun stroke, Teams that aren't the Texans, Vacation-related posts
Greetings from the Valley of the Sun!
Yes, DBDG&D is coming to you from hotter-than-two-rats-fucking-a-wool-sock Phoenix, Arizona. Luckily (for me, at least), this vacation has coincided with a lull in offseason activities. This was not planned; I am nowhere near that dedicated to this whole enterprise. Still, it’s nice.
What is NOT nice, however, was the following email I just received as I was typing the above paragraph:
This is Dan, one of your readers. Just wanted to let you know that there was tragic news out of Denver today. Sam went elsewhere . Sorry to break your heart
Sam, thou hast forsaken me! (And Dan, you evil so-and-so, the smiley face was totally uncalled for.)
Lord, I am rambling. This is worse than a Dr. Z column. Blame it on too much sun frying my brain.
(Ten minutes elapse.)
Well, I have looked around the internets and have found nothing of substance regarding the Texans that would necessitate comment on my part. There should be word later today out of OTAs as the team begins it last week of macrame and merit badge earning. So, I will just leave you with a link to Johnnie Morton getting Michael Spinks-ed in his first MMA fight. As someone who lived in Kansas City while Morton was there “playing” wide receiver, this made me laugh hysterically. Or, again, that might have been because of the sun.
