Kickoff - “Oh, yeah, we are supposed to do these morning posts” Edition
Nov 19, 2008 2008 Season, Anger, Antwaun > Petey, Babyeating-Sisterfuckers, Boobies, Damn it, Fire Richard Smith, Kickoff, Vince Young can't read this post
Signs Your Season Is Not Going Well No. 232203: People are writing wire service stories entitled “Somebody stick a fork in the Texans.” Better idea–somebody stick a fork deep inside Richard Smith’s skull. And then twist it around. And then pee on him. /anger issues
Now, to distract you with boobies.
Random Thought: People who are Titans fans only because Vince Young was drafted by the Titans should all be stabbed in the face. You root for a draft pick bust and get rewarded with the second-best team in the NFL right now? Fuck you to death, asshole.
Scout. It was nice of the Plain Dealer to write up a real scouting report and not mention Sage sucking, us sucking generally on the road, or any of the myriad other flaws they could have found. Hey, Antwaun Molden went to a local high school! Huzzah!
Finally. More cheerleaders!
Being Vince Young
Oct 20, 2008 Babyeating-Sisterfuckers, I'm a great guy--a humble guy., Vince Young can't read this post
No idea how I missed this late last week.
NASHVILLE, Tenn. - Injured Tennessee Titans quarterback Vince Young said Wednesday he’s using the negativity heaped on him after his Week 1 meltdown as motivation for the next stage of his career.
And what stage would that be? I mean, what stage is after “overrated NFL starter” and “mama’s boy headcase who quit on the team?”
“I feel like they’re writing my legacy,” Young said. “They’re writing my story.”
Hopefully, it has pictures so Vince can read it, too.
“I’m a great guy,”
And humble!
“a great humble guy.”
There ya go, buddy!
I’ve done a whole lot in my career in just three years
57% completion, 4855 yards, 22 TDs, 32 INTs, 23 fumbles, 951 rushing yards, 10 rushing TDs. Canton-bound, fo’ sure.
and for [the media] to do stuff like that to try to make me look bad for some reason — I don’t know why — but they’re just writing my legacy.”
The media? Dude, your MOM is the one who started talking about “my baby can’t handle the pressure” and saying you needed love and hugs if you were going to play. Your FRIEND is the one who called the Jeff Fisher, more or less suggesting that he was worried you were going to kill yourself. All the media have ever done—Merrill Hoge notwithstanding—is sit back and pretend like you are a quality NFL QB. If the media were writing your legacy, most people would actually buy the idea that somehow you transcend stats and are really just a good QB who defies traditional metrics.
***
Asked about concern over his mental welfare, Young said Wednesday, “I don’t want to talk about that,”
Hmm. Interesting. You don’t want to tell us that you’re fine mentally? Lemme guess—it’s the MEDIA who made all that up. You were always fine, right?
then added, “That’s something else the media made people think like that.
Disco.
I know who I am,
Because my momma wrote it right here on my underwear.
everyone knows who I am as a person.
The village idiot.
They know good and well, I ain’t trying to commit suicide or all that kind of crap. It was just a story everybody wanted to write.
Yes, everyone wanted to write that you wanted to kill yourself. That’s what the Nashville press loves to do, you see. They wait until someone gets hurt and has a friend call the team and the police, and then they make stuff up. They do that shit all the time. Nevermind what the POLICE REPORT said.
It was hot and everybody need to make their money, feed their viewers. I always get the bad end but I just brush that off and use that as motivation for myself.”
Wait…what?!? You “always get the bad end?” I assume you are talking about where you wind up in tequila-fueled bathroom romps, because prior to this, you always got the kid gloves treatment when it came to how the media treated you. Stop being a petulant child and fucking take some responsibility.
***
Right now, Young’s “just letting my knee heal and be a leader off the field.” It’s a tough role, given Young’s been the on-field leader everywhere he’s played,
Other than Tennessee.
including his junior season at Texas when he led the Longhorns to the national title.
Irrelevant. John Navarre was an on-field leader in college. Has nothing to do with the pros.
Asked how difficult that transition’s been, Young said, “It’s different.
If you ask me how difficult it is to climb Mount Everest, I am going to say “it’s different.” And then you’ll look at me like I’m an idiot because I in no way answered your question.
It’s frustrating but you gotta fight the blows,
Too easy.
gotta keep moving,
Except the knee is injured.
gotta be supportive.
Of the players who didn’t pout like a molested Girl Scout.
Me and 5 are real close so he’s doing his thing right now and I’m just being supportive until it’s time for me to get back out there.”
Odds that VY knows “5″’s name? I’m going 5:1 against.
Young, the NFL’s offensive rookie of the year and a Pro Bowler in 2006,
One award was arguably deserved; one was not.
was asked about reports that he hadn’t sought out Collins’ counsel.
To which he replied, “what do ‘counsel’ mean?”
“That’s why I don’t like messing with the media,” Young bristled. “They’re always flipping and always trying to make me look bad.
We’ve been over this, holmes. Your mom and friend made you look bad. Actually, you made you look bad and they made you look like a punk, but I digress.
[Collins] and me, we talk all the time. All the time. For anything. Not just football but off the field things, business-wise, accounts. All kinds of stuff.”
Why, just the other day, Kerry and Vince held court in the lockerroom regarding the current financial crisis, during which Vince opined that the largest problem is the lack of consumer confidence in the value of mortgage-backed securities. Vince advocated riding out the stock market fluctuations if you are still in at this point, though Kerry proposed that you should always have a stop-loss selling point in mind. Vince countered that, were someone still in, they likely passed a realistic stop-loss number a while ago.
Titans tight end Bo Scaife, Young’s teammate at Texas, said, “We all embrace Vince.
Because his mama said to hug him and maybe he’d play better. I dunno.
That’s like my little brother.
My little, retarded brother.
It’s been a tough situation for him but our job as teammates is to be there for him and be supportive of him but also do our job on the field regardless of who’s under center.
Translation: Hope dude gets shit figured out, but we moving on regardless.
“Vince is a competitor, he wants to be on the field,” Scaife continued.
Except, you know, when he didn’t want to be on the field, which is what precipitated this whole event.
“To sit here and tell you he’s happy, that wouldn’t be true.
But Vince is acting like he’s happy. What gives? Man…where’s Dr. Phil when you need him?
But he’s doing good and he knows his opportunity will come again. Adversity builds character.
Only if you learn from it and come through it, Bo.
Life is never a straight road.
Just ask Matt Stevens! (AWW, SNAP! CROSS-TOPICAL HUMOR!!)
Same with football. There will be things you have to deal with. I was concerned with Vince but not mentally.
If you weren’t concerned with Vince’s mental stability, then what were you concerned about? Because every one else in this article is pretending like his play was fine.
I know Vince, I was with him through the whole situation and I think everything got blown out of proportion. Knowing him as a person and the stuff that I was hearing was going on it was sad. It’s sad that people in the spotlight have to deal with things like that.”
Side note: The author of this article sucks at punctuating direct quotes. Moving on.
When or if Young reclaims the starting job with Tennessee isn’t something he’s currently focused on.
He’s too busy being THE SAUSAGE KING!
Besides, the Titans haven’t needed him to rush his return to the field.
Because they like winning.
“I’m just sitting back letting my knee heal up, paying attention, being supportive of my teammates, clowning around a little bit.
“Yeah, I’m not really ’studying’ or ‘preparing’ so much as ‘goofing off.’ But I am VERY serious about returning to football. Honest.”
Just waiting on my time to get out there,” he said. “Whenever they make the decision to put me back out there [is fine].
“Like, you know, if they just wanted me to sit here and clown around and read comics, I could totally do that. Whatever’s best for the team, man. That’s my motto.”
Right now, I can’t be like, ‘OK, man, [I’m ready], why aren’t they doing this?’ I understand what’s going on.
“It’s just like that one episode of SpongeBob where, like, he gets fired and Patrick be makin’ the crabby patties better and, then, like, SpongeBob wants his job back, but Mr. Crab is all like, ‘naw, dawg, Patrick has that gig now!’ But then Sandy goes all crazy and tries to help SpongeBob out because, like, she knows he loves his job. Wait…what was the question?”
The fact that everything is going pretty good, we’re 5-0. All I can do is be supportive of my teammates.”
One Last Point On Spin Rosenfucker’s Flying Leap
Oct 9, 2008 2008 Season, Bad Idea Jeans, Fuck, Ranting, Rosie Rosenfels, The Schaub Experiment, Vince Young can't read this post, What the fuck?
Many people (all of whom I am too lazy to link to) have said some variation of the idea that “Sage Rosenfels made that leap because he was trying to win the starting job.” Well, if that’s the case, then he’s even dumber than he looked while flying through the air.
Here’s what I mean: In weeks 1 and 3, yes, Matt Schaub looked like dog ass (at best). Against Tennessee especially, he was reminding people of David Carr all day long and it wasn’t because of his hair. There were any number of people, many of whom were not in the Start Sage camp prior to Tennessee, that were suddenly grumbling that maybe Schaub was not the guy. It was not good times.
But against Jacksonville, however, the fucking week before the Colts’ game, Schaub played one of his very best games ever in a Texans uniform. That’s not an exaggeration. Even without Andre Johnson having a monster game, Schaub worked the whole field, maybe fantastic decisions, and managed the whole thing beautifully. He found Owen Daniels and Kevin Walter every single time one of them had a favorable matchup. He hit Stevie Wonder in stride on that beautiful TD pass. All in all, he looked like a better version of the pre-injury Schaub we saw in 2007.
That being so, why in the fucking hell would Sage think that one win, even a big win over the Colts, would make Gary forget that (a) Schaub had played just as well the week prior, (b) Schaub was already the starter and was on the sideline because he had the shits and not because he was benched, and (c) that we paid handsomely for Schaub and giving up on him this quickly would be asinine?
Basically, I don’t care if Sage would have jumped over all three defenders like Sam McGuffie and ran for a game-clinching TD. There was NO WAY he was going to take the starting job based on that one performance. Maybe he gets a little closer and makes the leash on Schaub just a tiny bit shorter down the road, but Schaub was starting against Miami regardless of how the Colts game turned out. And if Sage didn’t realize that and he really thought making that retarded jump was going to change things, then he makes Vince Young look like a nuclear physicist.
And, with that, I’m done talking about that goddamned game.
Kickoff - “Snapshots From Hell” Edition
Sep 24, 2008 2008 Season, Babyeating-Sisterfuckers, Inanity, Kickoff, Vince Young can't read this post
Well, I finally got the pictures uploaded and finally have enough free time to put together this post, so here’s my Sunday trip to Nashville and back in picture form. (Also, “Snapshots From Hell” is likely to be the title of my autobiography.)
Background: Tim emailed Thursday and said, basically, “hey, I have an extra ticket to Sunday’s game–you interested?” Of course I was. However, knowing Tim and his friends, the only way meeting up would work would be if I was there by about 9:30 AM, because they would be drinking shortly after and I’d never find them. So, I was up at 3:30 and out the door at 4:00AM. I am dedicated (and slightly nuts) if nothing else.
Early morning, about twenty minutes from Memphis. Do you have any idea how hard it is to take a low-light picture at 85 MPH while you are driving? Of course you don’t because no one else is that dumb/lame.
Memphis, TN. AKA The One Place In Tennessee I Would Ever Live. Seriously, if you’ve never been to Memphis, you are missing out. And if you ever go and don’t eat at Cozy Corner, you are a heathen and we can’t be friends. (Not because you are a heathen, mind you…I like heathens. But because you have suspect taste.)
I’m a dork.
Everyone always says “It’s so pretty to drive through Tennessee. MAYBE that would be true in the late Fall, but this is just straight-ass highway with some trees on the side. That’s not scenery, goddamnit.
I took this picture to show how fast I was going and then, after I was home, realized that I’d slowed down before I took it. I generally had the cruise at 85. With only one stop coming home, I made it from Nashville to Little Rock in 4:25. Mapquest says it should be 5:22. I rule.
Nashville: Like A Real City, But Methier!
If you close your eyes and listen very carefully, you can hear Vince Young’s career falling apart.
If you are a Titans fan tailgating under a Notre Dame canopy, there is zero chance that you and I can be friends. There’s also a 100% chance that I made some comments about your mother being a service animal for drunken sailors.
I am a surreptitious-photo-taking ninja. Which is good, because ol’ Toothless Joe here would probably have been frightened by my new fangled digital technology and would have beaten me to death. (In case you are wondering why I took the photo, I suspected this to be Tman.)
You’ve heard of the Bridge To Nowhere? This is the Bridge To Anywhere Other Than Nashville.
This is Titan Man. His superpowers include working the crowd into a speed-addled frenzy and making his father wish he’d pulled out.
You stay classy, Nashville.
I am fully in favor of a Federal law that would prohibit wearing replica jerseys of players no longer on the team unless that player is a retired franchise legend. The punishment for violation of such law should be fisting by Michael Clarke Duncan.
Some folk’ll never eat a skunk
But then again, some folk’ll…
Like Cletus the slack-jawed yokel.
Most folk’ll never lose a toe
And then again, some folk’ll…
Like Cletus the slack-jawed yokel.
Quick, guess how the ensuing play turned out.
Contrary to rumor, Mario was actually at the game.
If this is John McClain—and I still claim it is—it should be noted that he was wearing a Titans polo.
It wasn’t all bad.
VY Fan Club Seating.
Overheard as this giant inflatable road kill sauntered onto the field: “Is there a person in that or is it a robot?” “I’m not sure. Probably not a person in there, though.” “Yeah, how would he breathe?” (I swear to God, I’m not making this up.)
Ticket to the game? Free. Gas money to get there? $75. Seeing someone misspell the name of his own state? Priceless.
I also have a picture of someone purported to be “Scott,” but I need to block out the face before I can post it. I’m reasonably sure, however, that it was really an actor hired by Tim to play “Scott.” The performance was pretty convincing, though there was not enough professed love of Shane Boyd, but it was the driving loafers that gave him away. From Kentucky, my ass!
In the end, aside from the score, I had a great time. Tim and his dad are two of the funniest SOBs you can hang around and both the actor fellow and the other Texans fan in the group were stand-up dudes. The Cowboys fan in the Titans visor who went with us, however? Well, someone just didn’t love him enough as a child, I suppose. Then again, he also accused me of having journalistic integrity, so maybe he was just dropped on his head early on. Dunno.
Kickoff - “Travis Johnson is like a dredlocked Buddha. Very wise.” Edition
Sep 17, 2008 2008 Season, H/T Eric, Ike, Kickoff, Super Mario, Travis Johnson explains things, Vince Young can't read this post
Lose, you did not. Reader Evan passes along this ESPN story talking about players dealing with home damage while also trying to prepare for a game. We kid about how it must be nice to play a kid’s game for millions of dollars, but it’s got to be a serious pain in the ass to have added spotlight and pressure on you and your performance while also dealing with a giant hole in your roof. Of course, the most shocking revelation in the whole article is Travisty going all touchy-feely on us. “I lost stuff. I lost a lot. But, you don’t lose anything when you’ve still got your family.”
The only explanation is that Jeff Zgonina reads Houston Diehards. Chris has a poll up on his blog, asking “Travis Johnson is hurting and may miss some time. Who do you think deserves to start in his place?” Now, almost as weird as the fact that Frank Okam is not running away with the voting despite (a) showing how much impact a real NT could have during his first team preseason reps and (b) being the only nose tackle we’ve had in six-plus years of existence, is the fact that Jeff effin’ Zgonina has SIX votes. (Also, while I like Bulman, he’d be better off in a rotation at DE/UT rather than a starting NT.)
“Sam in Houston” should die in a fire. Paul Kuharsky has an All-Vince mailbag on his ESPN blog. Nothing groundbreaking, but I post it because of this line: “Sam in Houston writes: Hi Paul - love the column. I’m one of those Texas Nashville Tennessean fans.” Sam, I think I speak for everyone when I say that I hope Ike messed your house up severely, you sell-out traitor.
Finally. Dear Kerry, Be afraid. Kissies, Mario.
Kickoff - “Oh, another hurricane? Fantastic. Because I need more rain, right?” Edition
Sep 11, 2008 Ike, Vince Young can't read this post, Vinsanity, Zoolander's snazzy handwear
Bob McNair is no weatherman. Uncle Bob is still holding off on announcing the hurricane contingency plans for this weekend, saying “[t]he most likely thing is it will go somewhere else rather than come right here[; t]he probability is it will go somewhere else.” Um, sorry Robert, but no. My prediction is that the game will eventually get bumped to Monday night, but that assumes that the ‘cane will hurry on through once it makes landfall Saturday-ish. If not, then I have no idea.
The cause of and solution to all of life’s problems. Kerry Collins has just the ticket for Vince Young to get his head straight–liquor! (Actually, that’s probably not what the article was about, but I didn’t read it. Facts only get in the way of a tacky joke.)
Aww, how cute. The Baltimore Sun suggests that, because Jared Gaither blocked Mario Williams successfully for about a quarter-and-a-half three years ago when both were in college, that he should have little trouble with Mario now. After all, Gaither shut down Frostee Rucker last week! Prepare to die, Joe Flacco.
Finally. “When you gonna drop Magnum on us, buddy?” “Not yet. You gotta tame the beast before you let it out of its cage.”
A touchy-feely comment on Vince Young, reviled Baby-Eating Sister Fucker of Copenhagen Holler
Sep 10, 2008 2006 Draft, Babyeating-Sisterfuckers, I'm not a doctor, Vince Young can't read this post, Vinsanity
I saw Chris’s post over at Houston Diehards on the topic of the latest Vince Young drama, and felt compelled to type this. While I think Chris is buying the Titans’ talking points a bit too much, I do agree with him that we may have gone a little overboard with the Vince Young stuff.
What Vince Young seems to have done is pretty unprofessional. The charges being made against him are that he gave up on a team that has every reason to be frustrated with his production, that he stormed away and hid from the press and his fans, and that he ran off and alarmed his coach while toting a gun around with him in his car. But before we jump to conclusions, let’s take some things in to consideration.
Some people, including people close to Vince Young, have suggested that Vince’s problem is an “emotional” issue, meaning that it could be depression or some other psychological problem. If it is that, I would hope that we tread lightly on Vince’s condition, and err towards hoping the best for his psychological state. I’ve always kept the case of Barret Robbins (another link) - another Houstonian athlete - in mind. If this is the case, I hope he gets it treated properly, professionally, and promptly (see that? I dropped the alliteration bomb on ya).
Now if it’s just him being Vince McWhiny Pants, eff him in the ay.
As far as the “his head has gotten too big” meme, I don’t know if I buy that. I see the evidence for it, but I’m not sure if it’s proof of it - the distinction being that the former supports the argument whereas the latter confirms it’s truth. Of course it’s easy to get a big head in front of 100,000 people, and it’s probably a bit of a bummer when only days later tens of thousands of people are now booing you. I’m just not sure if this is enough of a reason for us to venture that Vince Young is a prima donna collapsing in the face of reality. Maybe there’s something bigger going on here.
Perhaps we’ll never know: is Vince another athlete secretly fighting depression, or is he another spread-offense quarterback that finds out just how hard the NFL is? I hope it’s the latter, simply because it will enable us in the Texans blogosphere (population 20?) to feel a lot better about what we do best: criticizing him and hating on the Titans. I think we all would prefer that Vince Young feel the pain of a Mario Williams sack instead of the pain of a psychological affliction.
</emo>
Officially time to put this to rest…
Sep 7, 2008 Babyeating-Sisterfuckers, Dancing With the 'Tards, Vince Young can't read this post
It took only one game — a victory over Jacksonville, no less — for the season to take a strange turn. This team has issues at quarterback, be it a tight hamstring, a sprained knee, a bruised ego, a bad attitude or all of the above.
Frankly, it’s hard to see the Titans taking flight if Vince Young doesn’t get his act together — physically and emotionally. Playing great defense is one thing; having to constantly defend your quarterback is another.
Wow.
Matt and I have kvetched a lot about the Mario pick. We’ve made fun of Reggie Bust and Lil Dickie Justice, age 10, over the pick (among others). At this point, it’s just sad (for me, at least. Beef and Matt are probably laughing.).
Vince: you’ve always got your sausage. And those wins over Michigan and USC in the Rose Bowl.
Your Friday Moment of Zen
Sep 5, 2008 Dancing With the 'Tards, Vince Young can't read this post
Caption away, people!
(h/t Deadspin and some god, somewhere, that wanted to make me smile)
Random Thought
Sep 4, 2008 I was told there would be no math, Random Thoughts with Matt, Teams that aren't the Texans, Vince Young can't read this post
(<–click that pic for bonus fun!)
There are a number of similarities between the Vikings and the BESFs (good running game, stout defense led by the front four, no WRs to speak of, mustachioed head coaches…). Yet, the common refrain when discussing the Vikings is “the running game is awesome, the defense is really good…if ONLY they had a QB, I’d pick them to go all the way!”
Well, consider:
T. Jackson—DYAR 105 (26th out of 41 QBs), DVOA -5.8% (28th/41), 9 TD, 12 INT
V. Young—-DYAR 74 (28th/41), DVOA -8.4 (31st/41), 9 TD, 17 INT
[Note: This will be the last dig based on last year's stats that I will probably get in on VY before the season starts. Thankfully, I have no concerns that he will supply me with more ammo as 2008 progresses.]
Your “Vince Young, Intangibly Great QB” moment of hilarity
Aug 15, 2008 Intangibly Great, Logo by Chris, Preseason 2008, Stats, Teams that aren't the Texans, Vince Young can't read this post
Oh, yes…it’s back for another year.
vs. Oakland: 4-13, 37 yards. 0 TD. 0 INT. Sacked once.
But at least he rushed for four yards!
DGDB&D Guest Post feat. Vega
Aug 15, 2008 Babyeating-Sisterfuckers, Dancing With the 'Tards, Guest Posts, I really dig my readers, Richard Justice is a talentless hack., Vince Young can't read this post
Back in this post, I mentioned that we are always willing and happy to run well-written posts from our readers. This is one of those posts. (Also, I expand that offer to include fans of other teams that would like to offer a well-reasoned reponse to things they’ve read here about their favorite teams.)
Here’s the next guest post:
A Reasoned Rebuttal To A Richard Justice Article That Doesn’t Deserve A Link
by: Vega
You sense you are in the presence of greatness the moment he enters a room. Adults and children are in awe. Teammates love him, opponents respect him. There will never be another one like him.
Joe Montana - worthless. Jerry Rice – NFL slut. Dan Marino – what did he ever fucking accomplish? Walter Payton – he couldn’t even avoid death.
Vince Young did things on a football field that made grown men cry.
Similarly, Richard Justice has done things in journalism that make me cry.
He brought happiness to millions, made their boring lives worth living.
Damn it. If only I lived in Texas and was a Longhorn fan, my life wouldn’t suck.
He wore orange, but Tech fans, Aggie fans, UH fans, all fans rooted for him as if he was their own. Such was his greatness.
Wait a second, you mean EVERYONE loved him?! Friend and foe alike?! Well then why do I hate him now that he’s a BE-SF? Also, why… hold on, is he dead? Is this a eugogoly?
He made an entire state—and probably an entire nation—feel good about itself. All Vince Young has been to Texans is everything.
That fucker just called me an “it”.
That’s why nothing that happens this year in sports will be as emotionally powerful as what The University of Texas has planned for August 30. That’s when Vince Young’s jersey No. 10 will be retired by the Longhorns.
Michael Phelps would agree. When Tiger won the US Open on a broken leg, his first thoughts were of Vince Young. Eli Manning wore #10 in the Superbowl in honor of Young.
I’m probably like a lot of you in that when I’m feeling down or have had a bad day at work I put in the DVD of that Rose Bowl. No matter how many times I watch it, I’m still inspired by it, moved by it.
And sometimes, when I’m alone, I’ll grab a bottle of baby oil and a wooden spoon and spank my own ass.
It makes me want to work harder, to accomplish more. It makes me want to make Vince proud.
Usually, I’ll do a double of tequila and rub my own boob and I know that somewhere, Vince Young is smiling.
Whenever I’m in Austin, I drop by to see The Trophy, to feel its power, to remember that incredible evening.
Reading comprehension question: What is Richard Justice referring to when he speaks of “The Trophy”, “its power”, and “that incredible evening”?
a. The BCS Trophy, what it represents, and the 2006 Rose Bowl
b. His Pulitzer Prize, his extensive influence, that night he learned to fly.
c. His Vince Young Real Doll, sweaty man love, and his evening routine
d. Other. Please elaborate.
I never expect to have another one like it as long as I’m on this earth.
I wonder what your wife thinks about this.
I’ll be there for the ceremony. If you can’t be there, I’ll be there for you. I’ll capture the moment for you. I will write something that tugs at your heart and reflects Vince’s greatness. That is my gift.
Gee, thanks Dick, but I’m allergic to literary semen. How about if I just hammer an ice pick through my testicles and we call it square?
Texas isn’t like other places. Texas only honors a few of its own. Texas isn’t like other schools. Greatness is routine at Texas.
I’d like to step aside for a moment and congratulate BFD and all the other Longhorns on this site for being great. Super job, guys!
To have your jersey retired by The University of Texas, you have to be special.
He definitely is “special”.
Vince will join Tommy Nobis (60), Bobby Layne (22), Earl Campbell (20) and Ricky Williams (34) as the only Longhorns to have their numbers retired.
So according to the previous statement, Ricky Williams is pretty great and special too, huh. Among his accomplishments he lists setting the NCAA career rushing record (later broken by Ron Dayne), quitting the NFL so he could smoke more weed, not being able to get through a CFL season, and that night he ate 15 bags of Doritos.
The University of Texas is a special place. Whether you graduated from Texas, as I did, or you have visited the campus, you understand its power, its beauty and its grace. It’s a place of ideas, a place of thought, a place where people learn to be the best they can be.
It’s one of a kind too. Harvard, MIT, Princeton – amateurs.
So Texas will honor one of its best. He’s a magical man in that he’s beloved, not just by the University of Texas, but by millions of others. He’s admired for his football accomplishments, but also for his charitable heart and his dignity.
Yup, dignity. Lots of dignity.
”I’m really looking forward to getting back to Austin again, seeing everyone, reaching out to the community with my foundation event and cheering on my team,” Vince said. ”I was speechless when they told me about the jersey retirement earlier this summer, and I still don’t think it’s sunk in. It’s such a great honor to be remembered in such a special way. Man, when I see that number and my name on the stadium. I don’t know what I’m going to do. It’s just going to be such an unbelievable feeling for me and my family.”
Quick, raise your hand if you think that Vince Young knows the name of his foundation.
No, Vince, the honor is all ours. You allowed us to watch you play.
It’s a good thing you did too. Every year before college football starts, I stress over which players are going to allow me to watch.
”When you think about Vince, all he’s done for The University, our football program and the community, it’s going to be a really special day for all of us and a great opportunity to say thank you,” Mack Brown said. ”Thank you for what he does as a football player, how he represents our football program, athletic department and university, for sending such a great message about education by coming back to finish up school, but most importantly, for always giving back. Vince is a terrific football player but an even more special young man.”
Is it me, or is there an excessive amount of “special”-ness going on?
We’re Texas.
I thought we were Marshall?
What starts here changes the world.
We’re still talking about football right? Football that happened two and a half years ago?
Has Vince Young found a cure for cancer that I’m not aware of? Did he bring peace to the Middle East and I just missed the news conference? He’s a fucking football player!!
I’ve been clear in my comments here that I have no affiliation to UT and am completely impartial to what the team does in sports. That said, I don’t speak about my own mother this way. I don’t talk like this to my fiancee. She’d probably cancel the wedding if I did. I would love to hear from the UT crowd. Do you all feel the same?
John Clayton eschews reality-based analysis, decides Young is next great QB
Aug 12, 2008 Logo by Chris, Overrated, Predictions Guaranteed To Go Wrong, Ranting, Rebuttals, Vince Young can't read this post, Vinsanity, Weak-ass arguments
No, really. Time to fisk.
The Pittsburgh Steelers‘ personnel officials assembled on the practice field in Latrobe, Pa., Sunday to watch workouts for Byron Leftwich and Daunte Culpepper, two talented quarterbacks who went through the offseason looking for work instead of preparing for the season.
Replacing Chaz Batch with Leftwich or Culpepper? Was Kordell Stewart unavailable? How about Spergon Wynn? Could no one reach Shaun King?
They were amazed. “What are these guys doing on the street?” scouts muttered to themselves.
What were they doing on the street? Hanging out with other people who are not viable NFL QBs, I guess. Oh, and in Leftwich’s case, eating. A lot.
Both quarterbacks are in great shape. They are big and physical with powerful arms.
And all the mobility of a tectonic plate.
Both have been winners in this league.
Jacksonville was 24-20 in games started by Leftwich. His best record as a starter was 8-3 in 2005. Winner winner, give this man his chicken dinner.
Feeling as though they had hit the lottery for a quick fix while Charlie Batch heals from a broken collarbone, the Steelers signed Leftwich for the minimum salary.
Their version of the lottery sounds a lot like Shirley Jackson’s. Can I volunteer to throw the first rock?
The NFL chews up quarterbacks like patrons at a football game devour hot dogs. Alex Smith, the top pick in the 2005 draft, is struggling in San Francisco and could be beaten out by journeyman J.T. O’Sullivan. Matt Leinart is the starter in Arizona, but one stumble could bring Kurt Warner into a starting role again. Rex Grossman isn’t exactly wowing them in the great Chicago Bears quarterback debate.
Yes, it is the NFL’s fault the the QBs you just mentioned are shitty. That makes sense. All failed QBs fail not because of their own lack of talent, but, rather, from the evil NFL machine eating them like a hotdog.
With Peyton Manning sidelined with a knee infection and Tom Brady nursing an ankle injury, you wonder, “Where are the next great quarterbacks coming from?”
Hmm…let’s see. My guesses for places you could look for the next great QB would be: 1. Cincinnati 2. New York (Giants) 3. New Orleans 4. Denver 5. Dallas 6. Washington 7. Houston 8. Jacksonville 9. Cleveland and 10. Anywhere other than Nashville or Kansas City.
On a recent trip to Nashville, Tenn., to see Titans quarterback Vince Young, I saw hope for the present and the future.
Well fuck me runnin’.
Young might not be a fantasy football delight because he’s not a numbers guy, but in time, the numbers might come.
“he’s not a numbers guy” = “he fucking blows as a QB under any traditional metric you might care to use, save for ‘being ambiguously gay at da club,’ where he is among the league leaders.”
In the meantime, Young, under the instruction of offensive coordinator Mike Heimerdinger, is taking the next step in developing into an elite NFL quarterback.
Step 1: Run just enough as a rookie that people overlook your mediocre passing.
Step 2: Regress in your second year, cease to run, and ride a great defense to the playoffs.
Step 3: Throw your offensive coordinator under the bus.
Step 4: ???
Step 5: Profit?
Heimerdinger watched all of Young’s game tapes and developed a plan for taking his immense talents to the next level.
That plan was relayed to Vince using simple, crayon drawings:
While Young is still a work in progress, the Titans are fortunate to have a quarterback who can be a winner on the field while he learns.
Obligatory reminder: VY’s career record: 17-11 (0-1 playoffs). Rex Grossman, WHO CLAYTON JUST SAID SUCKED ABOUT FOUR PARAGRAPHS AGO: 19-11 (2-2 playoffs).
“Eventually, I think he’ll be pretty darn good,” Heimerdinger said. “This guy’s physical presence is amazing. He’s 6-4 or 6-5. I didn’t think I would see anybody bigger than Steve McNair and John Elway, two guys I worked with.”
So, there you have it. Vince will be good because he is tall. Other tall QBs who came in with a lot of hype: Todd Marinovich (6-4) and Ryan Leaf (6-5). (Also, Heimerdinger didn’t think he’d ever see someone bigger than McNair (6-2) or Elway (6-3)? Really? Chad Pennington, whom he worked with, was as big or bigger than both of those guys.)
Young has Michael Vick-type running ability, but his height gives him a downfield edge when he stays in the pocket to pass.
Which would matter if he ever stayed in the pocket to pass. And if he could read defenses.
In two seasons, he has gone through some interesting configurations. Coming out of Texas, he was a running quarterback who could throw.
And who could probably spell his name if you spotted him the “V-I-N-C.”
He went 8-5 as a rookie starter in 2006 and was billed as the NFL’s next star. He was on the cover of the Madden game. He threw for 12 touchdowns and ran for seven. He was the offensive rookie of the year and earned a trip to the Pro Bowl.
He also threw 13 INTs, which John leaves out because that would be the verbal equivalent of using teeth in this written blowjob.
Not only did he beat the Madden jinx by starting 15 games last season, Young, through his leadership, took the Titans on a surprise ride to the playoffs.
Yup. That’s exactly what happened. The playoffs had nothing to do with Tennessee having the best defense in the league. It was Young’s “leadership” that took them to playoffs. That leadership included standing away from all the other players, pouting like a little ho when he was not the starter in the game at Houston. But that kind of leadership is so powerful, it can overcome a 9 TD, 17 INT, year. That leadership is not fazed by a fall off in yards per attempt, yards per completion, or yards per carry. Amazing. He’s like General fucking Patton out there.
Despite that success, things were holding him back.
Based on what we’ve seen and heard from him, I’m betting those “things” were Norm Chow and the itchy, restrictive nature of shirts.
He played a good portion of the season with an agonizing quad injury that handcuffed him.
Little-known fact: An injured quad makes it so that you can’t see the opposing teams’ defensive backs, thus forcing you to throw into coverage a LOT.
Worse, he struggled in his second season, trying to be more of a pocket passer than a multidimensional quarterback.
Sooo…the “next great QB” struggled when trying to be a QB? Weird.
“My quad, man, it was bad,” Young said. “Every week you get it better, then you go out and play and hurt it again. The quad would get weak. I was taking those pills for the pain. I was running around trying to make plays when it’s not there. The quad is definitely back where it needs to be although I still have a little hole in there.”
Brett Favre thinks you are a total fucking pussy if you can’t plan through some pain while hopped up on Vicodin. Also, just fyi, the fact that the pain pills make it not hurt during the week does not mean it has gotten “better.” Further, if it was that bad, why the fuck didn’t you take a few weeks off and rest/rehab it, especially since the team did not miss a beat with Vodka Collins at the wheel. (Because, you know, that whole “we’re riding our defense” thing)
Heimerdinger returns to the Titans at the right time for Young. Having worked with McNair and Elway, Heimerdinger knows how to craft a plan for a talented quarterback.
OK, first of all, the next person to mention Heimerdinger and Elway in the same sentence gets smacked in the head. Mike Heimerdinger was the WIDE RECEIVERS COACH for the Broncos from 1995 to 1999. He had literally DICK to do with developing John Elway. Yet that is exactly what Clayton is insinuating.
Secondly, though, Heimerdinger also worked with Brooks Bollinger and Chad Pennington when they were in their developmental stages as QBs and neither of them became much of anything. (That’s called an “understatment.”) So, it looks like ‘Dinger does well when he has a talented QB (McNair) and not well at all when he doesn’t. Which makes him no different from anyone else, really. Besides, you can argue pretty convincingly that it is EASIER to devlop a talented QB, so McNair’s development under Heimer (which, incidentally, came after McNair had been starting in the league for three years, which is the point where many QBs make a large leap in terms of production) is not some merit badge for the OC.
FINALLY, all of this presupposes that Vince is a “talented” QB in the same manner that Elway and McNair were, which has yet to be proven.
Norm Chow, the Titans’ offensive coordinator the past two seasons, helped in Young’s early development but a different set of eyes was needed.
The first thing Heimerdinger did was work extensively on defense recognition.
Not a bad plan.
Young was lax in making pre-snap reads in his first two seasons.
Yes, yes he was. And Mike Vick was “lax” in taking proper care of his pets, Charlie Casserly was “lax” in properly evaluating free agents and trade proposals, and John Clayton is “lax” on supporting his arguments with anything resembling proof.
For Young, it was back to school and he had plenty of tutors.
The Titans signed veteran tight end and former Atlanta Falcon Alge Crumpler, who’s known as much for his recognition of defenses as he is for his pass-catching ability.
So, they had to bring in someone to yell out the correct answer to Vince? “R-o-C-k!” “Ohhhh, the ‘c’ is silent!” Sounds like the teaching of Vince was going really well.
Crumpler often bailed out Vick during Vick’s mad scrambles by putting his big body in a spot where the quarterback could see it.
I fail to see how Mike Vick being consistently bailed out by a TE will make Vince a better QB. I mean, when the guy is having to change his route on the fly and go get the ball from the QB, it doesn’t really sound to me like the QB is “developing” as a QB. For example, imagine I am horribly shitty at my job (real stretch, I know). Then, one day, my boss hires a co-worker who, for whatever reason, is an incredibly hardworker and he does all his work and all my work, but I still the get the praise and the bonuses. Have I “developed” as an employee? No. Of course not.
“I see the maturation of Vince,” Crumpler said. “I just want to make sure he doesn’t lose his confidence. Can he weather the storm of being the third pick in the draft and can I be one of those guys who help to get him there? Eli Manning took all the shots in his first few years and he weathered the storm. It’s a great story. I would hope the same thing can happen to Vince.”
And Ryan Leaf took all the shots but didn’t weather the storm. I would hope the same thing can happen to Vince.
Vick’s dogfighting trial and later imprisonment were the story in 2007, as much a part of the daily headlines as Brett Favre’s divorce from the Packers this offseason. That experience adds perspective to Crumpler’s move from Atlanta to Nashville to help Young.
Huh?
Vick’s demise and Crumpler’s season of noncommunication with Bobby Petrino were a personal hell for the Pro Bowl tight end and his Falcons teammates. Being with Young is heaven to Crumpler because he can help.
Ah, ok. Because Crumpler lost his starting QB to federal prison, that makes it much better for him in Nashville. Fine. Whatever. Glad he’s happy. Quick—name all the QBs who have gone from below average to great due to the signing of a veteran TE!
“Look at it, Vince threw nine touchdown passes and 18 interceptions last year,” Crumpler said.
Close, Alge. Though it’s funny that you just made his numbers even worse than they really were.
“He had the Pacman Jones distraction.
Everyone who thinks Vince struggled to throw the ball because Pacman was in trouble with the law and suspended by Herr Goodell, please raise your hand.
He had an injury.
Fair enough. Though, again, if it was so bad that he was hurting the team by playing, then he should have been benched or placed on IR. If it wasn’t bad enough to affect his play, then it shouldn’t be an excuse for his play. But, still, I’ll grant the injury as a viable thing that might have distracted a young QB.
Yet he wins 10 games and goes to the playoffs in the AFC South, a tough division.
Actually, he “won” 9 games, at least according to how such things are recorded. In reality, a much better argument can be made that the team won many of those games despite Vince’s play:
Week 1: 11-18, 78 yds, 1 INT, 1 rushing TD, 1 fumble. Team wins.
Week 5: 20-33, 157 yds, 3 INT. Team wins.
Week 8: 6-14, 42 yds, 1 fumble. Team wins.
Week 9: 14-23, 110 yds, 2 INT, 1 rushing TD. Team wins.
Week 16: 12-22, 166 yds, 1 INT, 3 fumbles. Team wins.
Week 17: 14-18, 157 yds. Team wins.
We have a quarterback. His game management just has to get a little bit better. He’s a difference-maker.”
He’s a difference-maker as a QB like ebola is a difference-maker as a weight-loss tool.
In his first practice this summer against non-Titans, Young completed 22 of 26 passes against the Rams last week in a scrimmage.
Two questions: 1. What were the other numbers, John? 2. You do realize that scrimmage (not even a preseason game!) is rather meaningless, right?
Despite the struggles with confidence and the quad injury last season, Young improved from a 51.5 to a 62.3 percent passer.
And his TD % went down, his INT % went up, and his number of passes over 20 yards went down. Besides, David Carr was a 68% passer in 2006 with a similar YPC and a better INT %. I don’t see anyone calling him the next great QB.
In his third season, he’s starting to figure out who he is as a quarterback.
Mediocre and overrated.
“I’m going to try to be rookie year Vince Young that everybody was talking about,” Young said. “I’m going to go out, win games and try to go further in the playoffs.”
Rookie Year Vince: 51.5% completion, 12 TDs/13 INTs, 12 fumbles, 146.6 passing YPG, 8-5 as a starter…way to set those goals high, Vincent.
His improvements are noticeable.
IN TRAINING CAMP. NOT IN A REAL GAME. PLEASE REMOVE YOUR PBS-LOGO-LOOKING HEAD FROM HIS CROTCH.
Thanks to his offseason of studying pre-snap reads, Young is comfortable behind center. Heimerdinger has worked him in drills to improve his footwork.
File this under “Things They Hope You Have A Basic Grasp On When You Enter The League.”
“Different drills improved my base on five- and seven-step drops,” Young said. “Now, I’m keeping my feet underneath me and I’m sliding up and moving in the pocket. I’m not just standing in one place and bouncing. Having my feet underneath me, I’m throwing more accurately. You watch Tom Brady. He brings his whole body with him when he moves in the pocket. Sometimes, I would use my arm more and not bring my whole body with me.”
You know who else was fundamentally flawed as a thrower when he entered the league? David Carr. All kidding aside, though, did you really just mention Tom Brady in a paragraph about your own development? That feels wrong on a number of levels.
Heimerdinger showed Young tape of how he would stand eight yards behind the line of scrimmage, bouncing with his feet and looking downfield.
“Bouncing with his feet,” huh, John? What the fuck else would he be bouncing on? That’s quality sportswriting. I suddenly have this feeling that you are going to work some ridiculous pun into this article.
If Young had to run, he was so far behind the line of scrimmage, it would be hard to make a gain.
Yet people talked about how he was a much better runner than a passer. Odd.
From reads to foot placement to depth in the pocket, Young is starting to turn old school. He’s getting better.
Translation: Now that he is learning some of the most basic tenets of quarterbacking at any level, Young is starting to at least resemble a real QB. (As for the “he’s getting better,” again, can we PLEASE wait until he does something in a real game before we start throwing this shit around?)
Thanks to Young’s development, remember the Titans when picking playoff contenders.
Welcome to Punsville, population: you. Admit it, you ugly fuck—you wrote this whole goddamned article so you could use that shitty quip, didn’t you?
Quick Reminder
Aug 2, 2008 Poetry, Stats, Teams that aren't the Texans, Vince Young can't read this post
Radio’s career record: 17-11, 0-1 playoffs
Rex Grossman’s career record: 19-11, 2-2 playoffs
Vince “just wins games,” though, right? Right?
Kickoff
Jul 31, 2008 Babyeating-Sisterfuckers, Kickoff, Owen Daniels is a big ol' Pimp, RB free-for-all, Vince Young can't read this post
No link yet, but… A Fox 26 rumor has it that four running backs will be visiting camp today–-Tony Temple (Missouri), Calvin Dawson (UL-Lafayette), J.D. Washington (Denzel’s kid, out of Morehouse), and the aforementioned Mike Bell (Arizona, by way of the Denver Broncos). Of these, Bell is the known quantity, of course. Washington has spent two years on the Rams’ practice squad. I know nothing of Dawson. Temple, however, is the one who intrigues me. Maybe it was just the ineptness of the Razorback coaching staff, but Temple took Arkansas’ Ess Eee See Speed and shoved it up their asses, dismantling the Hog defense in the Cotton Bowl. Regardless, Chris Brown should probably go ahead and pack his bags…or, you know, have someone else do it, since his back is so bad. (h/t Eric)
Brilliant. I hate linking to PFT, but I’ve seen this other places as well. Apparently, the Baby-Eating Sister-Fuckers are bringing in Byron Leftwich to work out. They don’t plan on signing him, but they want to see how he’d fit in the offense, should Radio and Vodka Collins both get injured. Because, clearly, a guy who passes like Vince and runs like Kerry is going to be fantastic. (Eric)
Sticking with the BESFs. It seems Jevon Kearse missed his second straight practice yesterday, this time with knee pain. He left the morning practice because his foot got stepped on. Dear Tman, please tell me again how Kearse is going to be an amazing quarterback destroying force this year. I love a good tall tale. (Yup, Eric)
Finally. Caption time.
Kickoff
Jul 30, 2008 2008 Training Camp, Babyeating-Sisterfuckers, Bloggerating, Colvin, Self-Referential Stuff, Vince Young can't read this post
Forward Thinking. Rosy Colvin likes his new team and likes the role of situational pass rusher. Says Colvin, “I would love to be going forward. A lot of the guys up there in New England used to say all the time when I’d drop back in coverage, ‘Keep that guy going forward.’”
Cinco. SOLIS has a great run-down of Day Five of Training Camp.
OHMYGOD, STOP THE PRESSES AND HOLD EVERYTHING!!!!! Vince Young was inconsistent in practice yesterday. This is a shocking and wholly unexpected development. In other news, the sky is blue, water is wet, and I am a jerk.
Programming Note. I am kind of busy for the rest of the day, so odds are good that I won’t post anything else before this evening at the earliest. As always, BFD is at the mercy of his job. And you thought doing gay fetish porn was easy.
Kickoff
Jul 16, 2008 Babyeating-Sisterfuckers, Nigerian Mafia, Nnamdi Asomugha, The X Factor, Vince Young can't read this post
Somebody needs a hug: As much fun as it is to make fun of Vince Young, noted cheap-shot artist and Teh Schaub killer Albert Haynesworth truly deserves our scorn. With a h/t to Eric in the last thread, it appears that Haynesworth needs his favorite dolly and a nap after he and the BE-SFs couldn’t agree to terms on a long-term contract. Instead, he’ll be slapped with the franchise tag. If you go to the link, you can see him tearing up at the thought. He’ll be OK, though: he’s gonna go all Cruella Di Vil on a bag full of puppies to make him feel better.
More man-crush coverage: Stealing this link from Jordan, the league’s version of an aneroxic Methuselah, Al Davis, couldn’t reach terms on a long-term contract with Nnamdi Asomugha. A year is a long way from now, about a year, in fact, but since we drafted Antwaun Molden and signed Frenchy Reeves, I don’t think we’ll focus on CB next year. Oh well, but here’s hoping our CBs make the decision easy. As with Haynesworth, Asomugha gets the franchise tag.
9-7?: Tim at BRB takes his first shot at the season and comes up with a 9-7 season. Personally, I like BigBlueShoe’s prediction of a 10-11 season. Heh.
Vince Young != MVP, Cy Young, and Lady Byng all wrapped up into one neat little package: The 9-7 discussion led Chris to do a little look-back at a BE-SF prediction. No pollyannas were found.
The X Factor Cometh: Temporarily breaking the Comicle moratorium, Xavier Adibi signed a four-year deal. Finally, is it me or are some of the commenters at the chron, well, special? This person, with his in-depth analysis, is likely to be hired by the chron soon: “CaptainHook wrote: He’s going to suck!!!!” Hard hitting news you can trust.
Anyway, great news for the team getting him inked.
Addressing Lee’s concerns
Jul 10, 2008 Bud Adams is evil, Fuck the Cowboys, God hates ugly, Vince Young can't read this post
Lee:
And there are two things I don’t get as a Texans fan. 1. Why should I hate the Cowboys? We don’t play them, the Oilers didn’t play them (yes I know it occasionally happens). They aren’t in our conference and are a Texas team. 2. Why do I have to hate VY? He’s the greatest college football player of all time. And he wanted to be a Texan.
These are great, valid questions. Allow me to give them a shot.
Why should I hate the Cowboys? We don’t play them, the Oilers didn’t play them (yes I know it occasionally happens). They aren’t in our conference and are a Texas team.
It’s more than just the wank-infested Governor’s Cup. Oh yes, it’s much deeper.
First of all, any team that appoints itself “America’s Team” deserves constant ridicule. Secondly, they are a team of felons, capable only of child rape and snorting the sidelines. Next, it’s the arrogance of their fans. Here’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard on a sports talk show: “If the Cowboy’s don’t win the Super Bowl, you can slap a tortilla on my head and call me papa.” If that doesn’t deserve scorn, I really don’t know what does.
Finally, this is where it gets personal. Before the Cowboys moved camp to Austin, Austin was an Oiler town. Deeply. It wasn’t even close. When those pricks moved here, you suddenly saw Cowfucker shit everywhere. It was like rats and the plague covered in blue and silver. Not only that, they were so fair-weathered, none of them could’ve named a player outside of Troy-boy. It was horrible.
As for VY? I have only one thing to say about that:
It’s not VY’s fault. In fact, I feel sorry for the poor guy. I love VY with all my heart…before he was drafted by the asshole pictured above. But anybody, no exceptions, who plays for Satan’s tutor, deserves nothing less than my complete and total hatred and scorn.
Personally, rooting for/against VY? Negotiable. Hating the BE-SFs? Not. Hating the Cowfuckers? Not. There are few things I am emotional about, but you’ve hit on….well, probably both of them right here.
(For the record, if you can find one football-lovin’ Houstonian who wouldn’t kick Satan’s tutor in the nutz [older than 35], I’ll give you a dollar. He’s easily the most despised person I’ve ever seen.)
HTH,
bf-motherfucking-d
PS: Consider this an “Open Hate Thread.”
With apologies to Oasis
Jul 9, 2008 Babyeating-Sisterfuckers, Idiot Karaoke, Inanity, Overrated, Tunez, Vince Young can't read this post
Wonderlic
by: Vince Young
This year is s’posed to be the year
That I’m gonna learn to lead a team
Or not, since I just forgot
Everything ‘Dinger taught to me
I don’t believe that they expect me
To memorize an entire playbook
Last week the word was on the street
That the fire in my heart was out
Forget I said I almost quit
Because I never really had a doubt
I don’t believe that they expect me
To memorize an entire playbook
And I’m sure the way I play this year will hurt us
But at least the guys I’m dancing with are shirtless
Our mascot is a Babyeating
Sisterfucker, too
But I don’t care!
Tenn-ess-eeee
You know I fit in cuz I can’t read
3-4-5-6
It’s my Wonderlic
I know Gage is wide open
But I’d rather just tuck and run
Throwin’ deep, man that ain’t for me
Interceptions ain’t no fun
I don’t believe that they expect me
To memorize an entire playbook
And all the fans who watch me play are meth-mouthed
And all of them have wheels underneath their house
Our mascot is a Babyeating
Sisterfucker, too
But I don’t care!
Tenn-ess-eeee
You know I fit in cuz I can’t read
3-4-5-6
It’s my Wonderlic
Tenn-ess-eeee
You know I fit in cuz I can’t read
3-4-5-6
It’s my Wonderlic
Tenn-ess-eeee
Where people just love to inbreed
Where they’ve got no shoes on their feet
Where they really think I’m a Q-B
Kickoff
Jun 27, 2008 2002 Draft, Fuck, Horribly obvious jokes, Huh?, Inanity, Kickoff, Sandy Vag, Vince Young can't read this post, Vinsanity, Zoolander's snazzy handwear
I suppose it’s better than learning from David Carr. In general, you probably shouldn’t try to teach things you don’t understand yourself. In that vein, I put Vince Young’s teaching of “proper QB technique” right up there with me teaching social grace and tact and BFD teaching about sex after 35. (H/T Eric)
Wow. Speaking of Zoolander, I lack the words to adequately describe the shirt/hat combo he’s wearing in this picture. I think I’ll go with “unfortunate, ridiculous, and gay as shit,” but I know that doesn’t quite get there.
Oh, fuck this. Finally, let’s just stick keep kicking Zoolander while he’s down because it’s Friday and this shit is fun. Is that a velour hat? And, um, that t-shirt is only funny if you get the pun, which would also make it sort of…well…inappropriate in this given situation. Good lord, every single day I am more glad that Sandy is gone.
