DGDB&D: a Texans blog. » FAQ
FAQ
Q: Great, another fan blog. Why should anyone read yours?
A: I have no idea.
Q: Seriously, Mario Williams? What the hell were the Texans thinking?
A: Um, my guess is that they were thinking “you know, we have no use for a glorified punt returner who is too much of a pussy to run between the tackles.” This thought was probably accompanied by the thought “well, if this little shitbag is going to extort us when we sign him, he can go fuck himself.” Something like that.
Q: What’s with your hatred of the Chronicle?
A: I don’t hate the Chronicle; I hate Richard Justice and I think the rest of the Texans coverage is plagued by mediocre, self-serving, biased, unoriginal content. Also, I am pretty sure Anna-Megan is retarded. Like, an actual “short bus, soft helmet” retard, ya know?
Q: The foul language here is very off-putting.
A: First, that’s not a question, so fuck you. Second, if you find it that offensive, might I suggest a few different courses of action:
- Read something else.
- Stop being such a pussy.
- Die.
Q: What’s with all the jokes about sodomy, retardation, midgets, and Mormons?
A: Those things are funny. I mean, can you think of something funnier than the sodomy of a retarded, midget Mormon? I can’t.
Q: How did you wind up rooting for the Texans if you’ve never lived in Texas?
A: There was liquor involved.
Q: Will you sleep with me?
A: Is there liquor involved?
Q: Are you going somewhere with this FAQ?
A: Nope.
Q: What do you do for a living?
A: The job title is “Chief Investigator,” but the reality is “post on this blog while sitting in my government office.”
Q: That’s a pretty sweet gig, right?
A: 96% of the time, it is. The other 4% is spent taking pictures of dicks, talking to families of murder victims, and trying to interview people without getting stabbed. I consider it a push.
Q: Back to the Texans–didn’t you predict 9 wins for them in 2007?
A: Yeah, that sounds like something I’d say.
Q: Doesn’t that seem silly in retrospect?
A: Dude, it seemed silly when I said it.
Q: Doing your own Q-and-A is a little harder than you thought, isn’t it?
A: Yup.
Q: How do you explain your fascination with making up conversations?
A: Very few real life friends, an overactive imagination, and too much free time.
Q: Can we just end this already?
A: Gladly.
