Just….shit.

Via the AP via the Chron, and the story has been confirmed.

RIP, Steve.  Damn.

More.

IN CONGRESS, JULY 4, 1776
The unanimous Declaration of the thirteen united States of America

When in the Course of human events it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bands which have connected them with another and to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the Laws of Nature and of Nature’s God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation.

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness. — That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed, — That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness. Prudence, indeed, will dictate that Governments long established should not be changed for light and transient causes; and accordingly all experience hath shewn that mankind are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed. But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same Object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute Despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such Government, and to provide new Guards for their future security. — Such has been the patient sufferance of these Colonies; and such is now the necessity which constrains them to alter their former Systems of Government. The history of the present King of Great Britain is a history of repeated injuries and usurpations, all having in direct object the establishment of an absolute Tyranny over these States. To prove this, let Facts be submitted to a candid world.

He has refused his Assent to Laws, the most wholesome and necessary for the public good.

He has forbidden his Governors to pass Laws of immediate and pressing importance, unless suspended in their operation till his Assent should be obtained; and when so suspended, he has utterly neglected to attend to them.

He has refused to pass other Laws for the accommodation of large districts of people, unless those people would relinquish the right of Representation in the Legislature, a right inestimable to them and formidable to tyrants only.

He has called together legislative bodies at places unusual, uncomfortable, and distant from the depository of their Public Records, for the sole purpose of fatiguing them into compliance with his measures.

He has dissolved Representative Houses repeatedly, for opposing with manly firmness his invasions on the rights of the people.

He has refused for a long time, after such dissolutions, to cause others to be elected, whereby the Legislative Powers, incapable of Annihilation, have returned to the People at large for their exercise; the State remaining in the mean time exposed to all the dangers of invasion from without, and convulsions within.

He has endeavoured to prevent the population of these States; for that purpose obstructing the Laws for Naturalization of Foreigners; refusing to pass others to encourage their migrations hither, and raising the conditions of new Appropriations of Lands.

He has obstructed the Administration of Justice by refusing his Assent to Laws for establishing Judiciary Powers.

He has made Judges dependent on his Will alone for the tenure of their offices, and the amount and payment of their salaries.

He has erected a multitude of New Offices, and sent hither swarms of Officers to harass our people and eat out their substance.

He has kept among us, in times of peace, Standing Armies without the Consent of our legislatures.

He has affected to render the Military independent of and superior to the Civil Power.

He has combined with others to subject us to a jurisdiction foreign to our constitution, and unacknowledged by our laws; giving his Assent to their Acts of pretended Legislation:

For quartering large bodies of armed troops among us:

For protecting them, by a mock Trial from punishment for any Murders which they should commit on the Inhabitants of these States:

For cutting off our Trade with all parts of the world:

For imposing Taxes on us without our Consent:

For depriving us in many cases, of the benefit of Trial by Jury:

For transporting us beyond Seas to be tried for pretended offences:

For abolishing the free System of English Laws in a neighbouring Province, establishing therein an Arbitrary government, and enlarging its Boundaries so as to render it at once an example and fit instrument for introducing the same absolute rule into these Colonies

For taking away our Charters, abolishing our most valuable Laws and altering fundamentally the Forms of our Governments:

For suspending our own Legislatures, and declaring themselves invested with power to legislate for us in all cases whatsoever.

He has abdicated Government here, by declaring us out of his Protection and waging War against us.

He has plundered our seas, ravaged our coasts, burnt our towns, and destroyed the lives of our people.

He is at this time transporting large Armies of foreign Mercenaries to compleat the works of death, desolation, and tyranny, already begun with circumstances of Cruelty & Perfidy scarcely paralleled in the most barbarous ages, and totally unworthy the Head of a civilized nation.

He has constrained our fellow Citizens taken Captive on the high Seas to bear Arms against their Country, to become the executioners of their friends and Brethren, or to fall themselves by their Hands.

He has excited domestic insurrections amongst us, and has endeavoured to bring on the inhabitants of our frontiers, the merciless Indian Savages whose known rule of warfare, is an undistinguished destruction of all ages, sexes and conditions.

In every stage of these Oppressions We have Petitioned for Redress in the most humble terms: Our repeated Petitions have been answered only by repeated injury. A Prince, whose character is thus marked by every act which may define a Tyrant, is unfit to be the ruler of a free people.

Nor have We been wanting in attentions to our British brethren. We have warned them from time to time of attempts by their legislature to extend an unwarrantable jurisdiction over us. We have reminded them of the circumstances of our emigration and settlement here. We have appealed to their native justice and magnanimity, and we have conjured them by the ties of our common kindred to disavow these usurpations, which would inevitably interrupt our connections and correspondence. They too have been deaf to the voice of justice and of consanguinity. We must, therefore, acquiesce in the necessity, which denounces our Separation, and hold them, as we hold the rest of mankind, Enemies in War, in Peace Friends.

We, therefore, the Representatives of the united States of America, in General Congress, Assembled, appealing to the Supreme Judge of the world for the rectitude of our intentions, do, in the Name, and by Authority of the good People of these Colonies, solemnly publish and declare, That these united Colonies are, and of Right ought to be Free and Independent States, that they are Absolved from all Allegiance to the British Crown, and that all political connection between them and the State of Great Britain, is and ought to be totally dissolved; and that as Free and Independent States, they have full Power to levy War, conclude Peace, contract Alliances, establish Commerce, and to do all other Acts and Things which Independent States may of right do. — And for the support of this Declaration, with a firm reliance on the protection of Divine Providence, we mutually pledge to each other our Lives, our Fortunes, and our sacred Honor.

After spending generous amounts of alcohol to wash away the “visual” of a moment to moment time-line of bowel movements, let’s see what’s being said about the Texans. With 30 days until they put on the pads, there’s alot going foward and expectations for the JUGGERNAUT.

We have two different views of the impact Stevie Wonder has had in relation to Methapotamia’s “Every Coaches Dream” Chris Johnson. PFW discusses what each brings to their team but fail to mention that Slaton accomplished his seasonal results behind a new OC and scheme. 

I used to read Paul Kuharsky and his AFC South blog for news that Pancakes (between filming and groping Anna Megan) and found this to be the last straw. This ass-hat, who resides in Nashville, formerly worked at the Nashville Tennessean newspaper, has a radio spot on Nashville station 104.5 “The Zone”, and pimps everything that the “flaming tacks” and Jeff Fisher’s stash whispers, now considers Stevie Wonder no.#3 back in our division. He argues the case for Chris Johnson vs. MJD on his blog.

National Football Post has the “sexy” pick and what they need to do to get over the hump, but they see football in January for the Texans.

What Connor Barwin brings to the table and how this guy ticks. 6′4” and playing against the most explosive player in basketball during this time, 7′0″ Greg Ogden, and Barwin held him scoreless.

The tradtional media has a problem with the “facts.” SI.com wants you to believe that Matt Schaub is in the top 50 of athlete’s salaries! Alan Burge helps breakdown the in’s and out’s of Teh Schaub’s incentives…and the real numbers.

And finally, SN.com has what they think is the road map for the Texans season.

Edit: Via David Nuno, he has an interview with Chad Ochocinco (throws up in own mouth).  Anyway, some good entertainment value. (bfd)

Anyway, none of this was too surprising until I noticed that Matt Schaub ranks 33rd on the list (third amongst NFLers behind only Peyton Manning and Tom Brady). Wow. I knew we were throwing him some jack, but I didn’t realize he was scoring $17M in salary/earnings. Of course, this accounts for the $10M we owe him as an option to extend his contract this year on top of his $7M base salary, so he likely won’t be on this list next year unless he plays out of his mind and hooks on a shitload of endorsements. I think we’d all be ok with that.

According to the In the Bullseye’s salary info (which is awesome, by the way), Schaub’s salary cap hit is just over $10M. A quick google shows that Schaub signed a $48 million contract back in March of 2007, but about $20M of that was to be paid in the first three years. So even though he shows up on the list, it doesn’t mean he’s way overpaid. I think his contract is reasonable for a solid starting QB in the NFL. Assuming we can keep him on the field, it’s safe to say that he fits that description.

Another interesting nugget in the list is that Antonio Smith shows up at 45 (7th amongst NFLers – after Schaub is Julius Peppers, Dwight Freeney, and Eli Manning). The contract we gave Antonio Smith paid him $15.5 up front, but his cap hit is $5.4 million. He has a $3M base salary, but must have gotten his bonus all up front. Smith’s salary if for $35M over five years, but it was also front loaded with bonuses. Like Schaub, I wouldn’t expect Smith to be on this list next year. If he pans out, I think he’ll be worth the money, but if he ends up another Anthony Weaver, that bonus is going to haunt our salary cap for years – assuming that is that there is a salary cap.

What does all this mean? Well, nothing really, but there’s not much to talk about these days. NFL salary cap counts the base salary each year, but the signing bonus is evenly distributed over the life of the contract. So even if Schaub and Smith got all his bonus money up front the cap hit will be the same.

What it really shows us is that the Texans are not afraid to throw money around. I bring this up because it lends a little credibility to the rumors that maybe, just maybe, Dunta and OD have turned down lucrative deals. I mean, why would they offer guys from outside the organization huge deals but be trying to cheap out on the homegrown talent?  We obviously have no idea what’s going on with these negotiations (other than what OD puts on facebook), but the evidence continues to grow that these guys are really trying to go beyond the limits.

So, nobody should be shitting their pants when they see Matt and Antonio on the list, but it may give us some very slight insight into the current dealings.

The reason I want to start with that clarification is because many people use the concept of tradition as an excuse to avoid change. Generally these people are unable to form a logical counterpoint to the change, so they say, “it’s tradition”. This is often followed by knocking one’s self on the side of one’s head with the side of one’s hand.

With this in mind, I came across a very interesting article the other day with respect to the NFL’s overtime rules. Now, I’m not going to rehash the push for change except to say that roughly 60% of the time, the team winning the coin toss ends up winning the game, and roughly 47% of the time, the team winning the coin toss wins on the first possession. Naturally, the teams on the losing end feel as if they have not had an equal opportunity to with the game. The Texans were victim to this concept on Week 4 last season when we lost at Jacksonville in OT. The Texans scored on every possession since the middle of the first quarter (excluding a one play drive to end the first half) and the Jaguars scored on every possession since a punt with 12:13 remaining in the second quarter (yes, that’s after the famous punt without a punter fake which was in the middle of the first quarter). I remember thinking to myself that the team who won the coin toss would likely win the game, and, well, we all know how that turned out.

Every year, it seems that the competition committee decides to review the overtime rules, and every year they decide to keep it the same. It’s starting to get like the BCS’s insistence that the bowl system isn’t broken. Jeff Fischer, chairman of the committee, says:

There are so many other factors involved.  We don’t want ties, the length of game, the injury issues that come up with extended overtime periods. There’s a lot of different options we’ve looked at and we’re going to continue to.

While not quite the tradition cop-out, it pretty much says, we don’t want change. It’s especially funny when they throw out the injury concern, but didn’t hesitate once when the option of adding games to the schedule came up (I bet if they could charge extra for overtime they’d come up with reams of stats suggesting that additional injuries are unlikely).

And this brings me back to the article. It’s not like the NFL doesn’t have a lot of options. The most common ones are to ensure that each team gets at least one possession or to use the NCAA version, but this article gets more creative. They discuss an option where they would

auction off possession of the ball in the natural currency of the game: field position. The team that was willing to begin closest to its own goal line would receive the privilege of possession.

They could use a variety of live or silent auction options, but it would be like bring the best aspects of poker into football. Besides, imagine the incredible arguments/discussions that would ensue after an overtime game.

Another option, and one which I like better, is the “cut and choose” option which has been used by third graders all over the world. One side decides which yard line OT starts at, but then the other coach decides who gets the ball first. Like the auction system, the game theory possibilities are endless and the coaches would get to decide whether their offense or defense gives them a better chance to win (moreso than they do now).

Ultimately though, the NFL would never choose something as out there as either of those options. The league is far too conservative and traditional to consider anything too extreme.

And that’s really the whole point of this post.  I’m not actually a proponent of one of these solutions, but I am a proponent of change.  If a bunch of random people on the interwebs can come up with a bunch of creative solutions, why does the NFL continue to argue that they cannot think of a single alternative?  Instead, the league continues to stand by a system that rewards randomness over strategy.

As Tuesdays go, the day had been pretty normal. I got to work about 8:30, blogged and played online until about 11:30, and then went to lunch with my buddy, Jeff. A couple lunchtime beers washed down the BBQ sandwich nicely. Basically, everything was just as I would have expected it to be.

Then, on the drive back to the office, I felt it. An uneasy feeling, way down in my stomach.  Actually, I should back up slightly. I had really awful chili for lunch yesterday and, in lieu of food, I drank my dinner in the form of many, many rum-and-cokes. The morning brought three cups of coffee, but still no food. So that lunch was the first solid meal I’d had in about 24 hours.

Anyway…I’m driving back to the office, crossing over the always uninspiring Arkansas River, and I get that feeling. I assumed it was gas, but then it kept gurgling. “Self,” I says to myself, “that is not gas. That is a big ol’ shit. Hurry.” Thus began:

THE RACE AGAINST THE CLOCK

1:28pm–Crossing the river. I know, barring red lights, I can get to my office in seven minutes from this point. Seven minutes seems to be within the window of safety.

1:32pm–Red light.

1:33pm–Red light.

1:35pm–Realize it’s going to take longer than seven minutes. Re-evaluate. Decide that anything under 15 minutes will probably be safe. Wonder if it’s a bad sign when you know you are lying to yourself as you do it.

1:36pm–Pull into parking lot behind my office. (It bears mentioning here that, since I traded in my car for a truck, I can no longer park in my county-provided spot in the garage because my truck is too large. Which means I have to find a spot in the free lot behind the building or find a metered place on the street.)

1:37pm–No open places in the lot, pull back on to the street. Jesus loves me–there’s a place open on the street across from the lot.

1:38pm–Park truck, find three quarters in console, feed meter.

1:39pm–Small fart. Clinching ass cheeks tighter than Ed Norton in American History X, I shuffle across the street.

1:40pm–Fuck. Stairs. Step down the first one–large fart. Except this fart is kinda three-dimensional. And wet. Goddamnit.

1:41pm–Scurrying, tight-assed, down the hallway to the closest bathroom. I turn the corner and can see the bathroom door when my guts decide that 13 minutes, not 15, was my maximum allowable time. Proceed
to shit pants to unknown degree, despite clinched asscheeks.

1:42pm–Get into bathroom stall, undo belt and pants, and sit. Exact vengeance of Biblical proportions on the porcelain.

1:43pm–Look in boxers. Not good. Lie to self again, saying “You can just go commando, throw those away and no one will know.” Begin figuring out easiest way to remove pants in small public bathroom stall.

1:44pm–Realize that, apparently, my aim as I was bending over to sit on the toilet was not exactly sniper-quality. Notice shit on back of my pants. And back of my shoes. Begin working on new plan that involves getting back in my truck without (a) being seen by anyone I know and (b) getting shit in my truck.

1:45pm–Take off shoes and socks. Using roughly 657 paper towels, clean pants as best I can. Remove boxers. Discard. Put pants back on. Clean shoes in sink and put them back on, now wet and still slightly
smelling of shit.

1:46pm–Go out front of building, scurrying around to the back via a different parking lot, avoid all eye contact. Reach truck, curse Jesus, drive home to change clothes.

2:27pm–Back to work, email some buddies about the entire episode. Spend remainder of afternoon being informed that everyone in their respective offices is laughing.

With the welcomed return of the absentee owner of this blog and the dearth of any news, it allows the conversations of the innards of the Texans to progress. The many (well, few) writers and commenters of this site show knowledge, passion, and sound reasoning of their opinions (unless, Zima is your drink of “choice”).

We are debating the “rankings” from various “experts” on statistics that applied to last years progress. As fans and/or students of the game, we can jockey our view from what most of us have seen to a prediction of what’s to come this season. It’s a roll of the dice but, it all has merit.

Rod Woodson, Pro Bowler and HOF candidate, weights in on the “top” 5 edge rushing DE/outside LB [Note: Peyton, adjust your nuts, cause you'll be Mario's eunuch bitch! Oh, and BBS is still a coward.]

Without an NFL snap to his name, the 1st round pick for the Texans talks about his reasoning for attending USC and his work out regimen.

The soap box I’ve been looking at with players salary and the CBA is being echoed by Charlie Batch.

Bob McNair didn’t make his billions by looking backwards. With the present economy and a lot of uncertainty, are the owners hedging their bet’s?

In response to the Owen Daniels contract tango, Eric correctly pointed out:

CBA rescinded 2009

Uncapped year 2010

Lockout 2011 (possibility)

No salary cap, no minimum, no max, 4 yr RFA to 6 yr, 2 transition tags vs. one, etc.

OD and Demeco want money now. OD & Dunta (DeMeco too!) can’t play for anyone else right now and OD could be hit with another RFA tender next season. If they want to sit out, no checky. Dunta could wait till the 8th game and still receive his $10 mil but, that would be counter productive for a player to come back, especially after his injury, and earn that jack!

All of that is very true and, from that standpoint at least, I can understand where OD is coming from. My problem, though, isn’t with Daniels wanting more bones; it’s with him turning bitch when the whole thing hit a snag. Because, let’s be real honest—whether the whole lack of guaranteed contracts is shitty, and it is—that’s the way it works right now. Which means that no team ever owes anyone a renegotation; some teams are willing to try and re-work a deal when all the parties agree that the player deserves it. To my mind, part of “deserves” includes knowing what needs to be said publicly and what needs to stay quiet. 

While not perfectly analogous (due to things like having a much longer earning window, etc.), I’m in a situation similar to Daniels in my own job. I disagree with the current state of my own employment and feel that we need to reach a new arrangement soon; my employer thinks that we need to wait until some other things happen. Whatever. Regardless, I know better than to go bitching about the disagreement on Facebook or—other than the just-mentioned veiled reference—even on this blog. Instead, I’m weighing my options and figuring out where I do and do not have leverage.

Again, I realize it’s not a perfect parallel, but it helps to illustrate my point. Which is that I have no problem with OD wanting more money and I don’t disagree that he has earned it by out-performing his contract; my problem is entirely with what seems to be a juvenile move to drum up popular support by painting Rick Smith and the organization as patently unfair via a social networking site. There’s a right way and a wrong way to do just about everything and, at this point, it seems like Owen has gone about it the wrong way. Which, I suppose, means that if you don’t have a problem with Daniels’ FB stuff, then I can see why you would side with him in the general dispute.

Also in the comments to the last post and related to the above discussion, was the actual substance of OD’s Facebook quote (h/t Shake):

I’m still hopeful we can get a long term deal done. I’m a reasonable person and will absolutely accept a fair deal. The monetary value of the deal means less to me than the fairness of it. (i.e. to me a te deal that is two years old is no longer relevant.) Thanks for your comments.

Shake assumed that Daniels was speaking about the relevance and fairness of his own current deal and future deal respectively. papabear read the quote as talking about the fairness of Daniels’ new deal being predicated on the idea that no 2-year-old TE contract is a relevant negotiation starting point. Let’s parse the quote quickly, just for shits and grins, and see what we come up with:

I’m still hopeful we can get a long term deal done.

OK. So are we. So, “long term?” As in how many years?

I’m a reasonable person and will absolutely accept a fair deal.

It sounds trite, but define “fair.” Can a 1- or 2-year contract be fair if you are hoping for a “long term deal?”

The monetary value of the deal means less to me than the fairness of it.

So, it’s not really about the money [Ed. note: bullshit], but rather about…what? Because, so far, the only criteria for “fair” that OD has thrown out is “long term deal.” Which, to me, makes it sound like he’s most concerned with the team locking him for a number of years, assumedly so the contract is not a problem again in the near future.

(i.e. to me a te deal that is two years old is no longer relevant.)

As Shake pointed out, this is where it all falls apart. To recap:

• OD wants a long-term deal.
• OD wants that deal to be “fair.”
• “Fair” has very little to do with the value of the contract.
• OD thinks that a 2-year-old TE contract is irrelevant.

This last point is the sticking point between Shake and papabear’s interpretations–is Daniels saying that his current contract is unfair because any 2-year-old TE deal is per se irrelevant OR is he saying that the new offer is unfair because a 2-year-old TE contract is not a fair point for the Texans to begin their negotiations from? To be totally honest…I’m not sure what he’s saying (though since Daniels’ current contract is 3-year-old, I suppose papa’s reading makes more sense). In the end, though, I don’t think it matters, because either interpretation means that Daniels is talking out of both sides of his mouth on the deal.

If we go with Shake’s approach, Daniels is clearly inconsistent: He’s hopeful for a long-term deal, but no deal >/= 2-years old is relevant. So a long-term deal doesn’t make sense, unless Daniels is saying that he can live with the inherent irrelevance that will begin in 2011.

If we go with papabear’s, however, Daniels still falls apart: If the monetary value of the contract is not as important as the “fairness,” then (a) why would a two-year old deal be irrelevant as a starting point—the monetary value of the contract might be, but the “fairness” he keeps yammering about would not necessarily be—and (b) the top new contract for a TE in 2007 (i.e. 2 years ago) was Tony Gonzalez’ deal, which was 5 years/$35 MM ($17MM guaranteed)—for a guy who was, even then, one of the very best in the game, one of the best ever at his position, and more integral to his offense’s success than Daniels could ever be.

Hell, I’ll even throw in a (c) for good measure: the difference between Gonzalez’ contract in 2007 and Kellen Winslow II’s contract in April 2009 is minimal, with the Soldier getting 6 years/$36.1MM ($20MM guaranteed). Which makes one wonder how in the world a two-year deal is irrelevant as a starting point if the pricing for the highest-paid TEs really hasn’t changed all that much (Dallas Clark’s 2008 deal, which I assume Daniels would not find irrelevant until next season, is 6 years / $36MM ($20MM guaranteed).

In short, about the only way Daniels “fairness” complaint makes sense is if either the Texans were using some random mid-level 2007 TE contract rather than Tony G’s two-year-old contract or if Daniels was planning on arguing that he was worth more than Winslow and, thus, wanted to use KW2’s contract as a starting point. If it’s the former, I’m with OD on this. If it’s the latter, then his claims about monetary value not being important are false and his “irrelevent” thing is still invalid.

Thanks for your comments.

You’re welcome.

****************************************

Jeez, I didn’t plan on writing that much about OD today. And there’s still some stuff left to comment on. More later, I guess.

Like the Tom Hanks character in the film “Castaway,” we are treated to this portion of the season to speaking to a ball to get us through. Though the ball has morphed (as all balls do) to an elongated version of “Mr. Wilson,” we are stuck on an island searching for answers and rescue.

However, you have the good ship USS Minnow here to 1) give you a fix of Texans football and 2) give hope to some under-priviledged kids that, quite frankly, need our help.

Joel Sanderson contacted this ‘blog’ about their initiative, with the help of the NFL,  the Houston Texans, and locally Rice University, to help at risk kids. It’s a noble cause and one we should support! Because, it’s just right…

Speaking of overcoming adversity, Conner Barwin had a challenge and handicap from birth. One can only hope that he hears the anguish in Peyton’s voice as he (and Mario) buries his ass under the turf trays at Reliant (Jimmy Hoffa, anyone?).  (Editor’s Note: And I, too, hope Peyton gets hurt.  Eat it, BBS, you self-righteous hypocrite.)

Alan Burge gives some links and  a run down on rookie signings.

On my “mole hill” of a mountain, I’ll scream, “CBA, uncapped year (2010), no CBA = lockout 2011).”

Paul Kuharsky at Espn, offers FO’s  look at the passing game and the % of success at the 1st down marker.

He also ‘back tracks’ on his AJ vs. Fitzpatrick speed issue but, has little to offer on the fact that Fitz has Bouldin on the other side.

More to come…

First off, I’d like to thank everyone who chipped in (and hopefully will continue to do so) while I was on hiatus. Well done, gentlemen.

Second, a quick thanks to Lone Spot (Josh) for lunch at Ninfa’s two weekends back. Also, I apparently managed to not offend his wife, despite a conversation about this post² and this post, so she gets bonus cool points. (Yes, we talked not only about blogging, but about specific posts. Shut up.)

Moving on to stuff that matters, all of which has already been covered by other people here and elsewhere:

Owen Daniels. I’ve yet to chime in on the Owen Daniels thing, partly because I’m not 100% sure what I think of it. On the one hand, I tend to side with the player in most NFL contract disputes just because of the overall inherent unfairness of the lack of guaranteed contracts. On the other, though, I really hate it when players act like cunts. And there’s not a whole lot cuntier than whining on your Facebook page about how the team’s offer is unfair when they just offered to make you the second-highest paid TE in the fucking game (assuming we can trust Pancakes’ version).

So, as I pondered the OD thing, I remembered that I started this post WAY back before the draft and never finished it (point 4 was never totally fleshed out), so I’m going to post it here in blockquote form because I can:

I need to ask you guys something.

It’s a serious question, and I ask it with all due respect.

What the fuck is wrong with you people?

No, not all of you. Just the people in the comments to this post who are saying they wouldn’t trade Owen Daniels for a first and a third (or two seconds, or a second and third). Are you high? Does your rampant crack use affect your life in other areas or merely in decision making as it pertains to the Texans?

I don’t even know where to start with this; the idea is so far beyond rational thought that I go half cross-eyed¹ trying to think about it. So let’s just dispense with the ”arguments” against making the trade in order.

1. He’s a Pro Bowler. My short answer? So Fucking What? By that rationale, you wouldn’t have traded Will Demps for a 1/3 last year. The mere fact that he went to a Pro Bowl means less than dick when you are determining whether a trade for him is fair. Chris Cooley has gone to two Pro Bowls, but no one would suggest he’s a better TE than Daniels, nor would anyone suggest that you shouldn’t take a 1/3 for Cooley. Given the popularity contest that the Pro Bowl has become (Ray Lewis at ILB this year? Really?), saying “he went to a Pro Bowl” as a reason not to trade a guy is akin to saying “he won a Gold Glove” as an argument for how good someone is defensively; it is nearly meaningless.

2. He’s a very good TE. Great, good for him. That’s probably why someone is conceivably willing to break the bank with a 1/3 for him. But of the five best TEs over the last decade (Gonzalez, Gates, Shockey, Witten, Winslow), how many have won a Super Bowl? Only Shockey’s team. And he played NO role whatsoever in that win. None. It was Kevin Boss (an unknown 5th round pick) who played in that entire postseason for NY. The best TE to win a Super Bowl in the last 10 years was easily Shannon Sharpe. While Sharpe was one of the top 5 TEs ever, he was past his prime in 2000 (32 years old) and you are nuts if you think Ozzie Newsome wouldn’t have taken a 1/3 for him on January 29, 2001. The other starting pass-catching TEs to win Super Bowls in that span: Roland Williams (STL), Jermaine Wiggins (NE 2001), Ken Dilger (TB), Christian Fauria (NE 2003), Daniel Graham (NE 2004), Heath Miller (PIT 2005), and Matt Spaeth (2008)². Taking it a step further, the total regular season catches (and TDs) for each of those guys (including Sharpe and Boss) in their Super Bowl years, in order: 25(6), 67(5), 14(4), 34(2), 28(2), 30(7), 39(6), 9(2), 17(0). You’ll forgive me if I don’t think an all-world TE is all that important in winning a Super Bowl, especially if, like St. Louis and New England, you have an efficient and productive offensive system.

3. We’d have to use that 1st on a TE anyway, so you’re just trading Owen for a 3rd. No. NO. NO! A thousand times NO!! Generally speaking, spending a first-round pick on a TE makes as much sense letting Vince Young teach an English class. Less maybe. Consider: Since 1997, when Tony Gonzalez was taken in the first round, 14 TEs have gone in the first. Of those, four have made a Pro Bowl.³ FOUR. Of the best TEs in football right now, Witten was a third-round pick, Daniels was a four, and Gates was an undrafted free agent. Kellen Winslow was a first rounder, and they even traded up to get him. Now he’s in Tampa and Cleveland is still riddled with holes. Think they wouldn’t like to have those old picks back? Shockey was a first and a Pro Bowler and one of the best in football when healthy…and the Giants traded him for a 2/5.

“But,” some of you are yelling, “we know what we have in Owen and he’s a first-round talent, so we’d have to take that kind of player.”  OK, (a) that’s dumb—the fact that he is good enough now to have arguably been worth a first when he was drafted doesn’t mean a damn thing. For one thing, our first pick that year was used on a pretty important player, so by your logic we wouldn’t even have Daniels. For another, if anything, this should prove that you don’t need to use a first round pick to get first round talent at TE.

Plus, (b) if recent history is any indication, there’s no “sure thing” at TE in the first. Vernon Davis, anyone? 6-3/250, 4.38 40. Can’t miss.  Jerramy Stevens?

4. He’s important to our offense. Really? So important that our offense would demonstrably suffer without him, despite his minimal TDs and penchant for untimely fumbles? So important that a first- and third-round pick that could be used on defense wouldn’t be an overall improvement? I guess your version of “important” differs from mine.

At the very least, you have to consider the possibility that it is Daniels who is benefiting from our offense and not vice versa. I mean, when you have the best WR in football and a great all-around passing game and (now) a running back who can catch out of the backfield as well as keep people honest on the play-action, any slightly athletic TE should look pretty good.

¹ Which, I guess, is one floating weird eye, a la Stuart Scott.
² Where is Dallas Clark? Glad you asked. According to Football Outsiders in Prospectus 2007 (based on 2006 season):

We have to admit, listing Dallas Clark as a tight end for 2006 is a bit silly. Clark was always more of a receiver than a blocker, but with Brandon Stokley injured, he pretty much changed his position for the season. Game charters listed Clark working out of the slot on 414 plays last year. That was more than three time as many plays as any other tight end except for Antonio Gates, who had 185. (emphasis added)

Then, from the website, during the 2007 season:

Please note that due to his usage patterns, we list Dallas Clark of Indianapolis as a wide receiver.

So there you go. He was a TE during their Super Bowl run like I am a Pulitzer winner.
³ I realize it seems odd for me to use Pro Bowls as a measuring stick here after I just shat on them a few paragraphs ago. Here’s the difference: In the first example, I was dismissing people who use a Pro Bowl appearance as a stand-alone reason for not trading a guy. In the second, I am using Pro Bowls as a general measuring stick, where a player either by performance or reputation becomes one of the “best.”

Two other thoughts on the ODebacle. 1. I was vocally against the Casey draft pick at the time because it seemed superfluous. If Daniels bails, chalk one up to Smithiak right there. 2. I’ve said before that you could trade Daniels for Witten straight-up and neither team would miss a beat. Ignoring for a second the fact that Witten is a much better downfield blocker, I’m still not sure I totally buy that when I think about. Witten frequently draws double coverage and is usually weapon #1 in the Girls’ passing game; Daniels…not so much on either of those things. Could Daniels take Witten’s role? Possibly. But I don’t think it’s enough of a given that I should be throwing around the idea all willy-nilly.

Rick Smith. I dig Rick. I really do. But two things are bugging me—the size of some of these contract offers and the way all of these negotiations keep playing out in public. I mean, I get the idea of “taking care of your players” when it comes to paydays. I see that. But (again, assuming we can trust Fattykins) offering Chris Gamble money to a still-not-totally-healed Dunta Robinson? Making Owen Daniels the second-highest-paid TE in football when you still haven’t addressed DeMeco’s contract? The former makes no sense; the latter sets a hard precedent to follow—Daniels is most likely not the second-best TE in football, but DeMeco very well could be one of the top two 4-3 MLBs in the NFL. Are you really going to want or be able to offer ‘Meco something in the $10M/season range? Because there are only so many players you can give these monster deals to before you run out of space. And if we lose Mario to cap space issues in a few years, I will lose my goddamned mind. For real.

As for the other thing, how the negotiations keep playing out in public, part of that probably has to do with the Texans being one of the less-secretive teams when it comes to internal stuff. That’s generally a good thing, in that, assuming we had some competent reporting, fans know what is going on and feel more connected to the team. When that access becomes a problem, however, is when you hear things like “he said he wouldn’t franchise me” (which I still don’t buy, at least not with that verbiage) and other bitching/whining. That’s not all on Rick, of course; the players doing the whining are culpable, too. But, long term, I just don’t think it can be a good thing for every single contentious negotiation to be a public forum. You’ve got to keep some of that shit in-house and make it clear to the players that they aren’t to go bitching about it either. And when you get one done quietly and easily like you did with Kris Brown, you might want to trumpet that a bit with the obligatory “Kris is an original Texan and we wanted to take care of him” spiel.

(Also, get the rest of the fucking rookies signed now. Thanks.)

The Sex Cannon. When we signed Herr Cümslinger, I assumed it was done so Mario would have his own training camp Real Doll. Now, I agree with Chris that it looks more and more like the team is going to roll with three QBs. Which, I suppose, is fine. My only concern is that, should we wind up in a situation where Sexy Rexy is going deep on meaningful snaps, the odds are our season is so far beyond fucked that we’re not going to care that we have a veteran #3 QB. But whatever.

Hmm…I guess that’s about all I’ve got. I know what you’re wondering. “Will I…see you again?” You know the answer, though: “It all depends on how much Vitamin E I can get my hands on.” Bitter, baby!

¹ White guy marathon pace, not Kenyan.
² I still can’t decide if that’s one of my best posts or my absolute worst.