Pretty cool in-his-own-words account of Dunta being robbed last year in his home

What let me know I wasn’t going to die was they kept calling me by my first name. I saw them looking at my face, then back to the football pictures on the wall, then one of the guys was like, “You’re a good player, so I’m not going to kill you.”

So what you’re saying is Travis Johnson should be thanking the god of his choice that they didn’t rob his house?

(h/t Paul)

(on if there is anything he can do on defense that he hasn’t done) “Yeah, I think obviously we’ve got to find some more ways to be effective.

You could start by firing the person who is making you ineffective.  No?  OK.  Fine.

We have played a lot of guys.

Many of whom–and I’m looking at you, Jacques–do not deserve to be getting anywhere near the number of snaps they are getting.  That goes back to that dude who you refuse to fire, doesn’t it?  No?  Damn.

We’ll continue to do that.

Adibi and Molden and Okam are getting more snaps.  How about, instead of playing “lots” of guys, we focus on finding out what we have with some of the younger guys?  I mean, it’s not exactly too early to start thinking about the draft.

We got a good look at a young player this weekend in (LB Xavier) Adibi, who was exceptional in the game. (He) had 14 tackles, a couple of tackles on special teams.

Not sure if anyone mentioned this to you, but Adibi was nursing an injury (according to you) ALL DAMN YEAR.  You might not want to ask him to start at WLB and play special teams in the same game.  Just sayin’.

We’ve got to take a look at (CB Antwaun) Molden and continue to take a look at what we’re doing and try to get better each week, try to give our guys a way to be successful.

Three words.  Rhymes with “tire pritchard skiff.”

But I don’t think you’ve ever emptied yourself out.

You didn’t see the shit I took earlier today then.  Whoa.  Oh, you were talking about always having something you could do differently to try and improve?  Hmm…I know.  Let’s look for the common thread and then light that thread on fire.

We’ve still got a lot of football left to play, so we’ve got to figure out some ways to get better.”

You’ve got six games left.  That’s it.  Rather than figuring out a way to get better right now, how about we lookat how we can be better in 2009?  If you have anyone that needs shoved in front of a bus, be they a DT or a DC, I can probably hook that up.

(on what are the teams doing against the run defense in the second half that they aren’t in the first)

I’m guessing it’s “adjust to what we did in the first because they know we won’t make any changes.”

“I’m looking at yesterday. I think, to me, when I looked at yesterday, one of the things for sure that we did not do as well in the second half that we did in the first half, we did not tackle as well.

Noted and filed under “Things We’ve Known About This Team Since The J’ville Game.”

We knew that we were trying to force them to run the ball, and in the first half, we did an excellent job of tackling.

“Excellent” is a pretty strong word there, Gar.  How about “excellent for us” or even “slightly above league average?”

When they were running the ball, those plays were two-, three-yard gains.

Not to pick nits here, but they only ran the ball 12 times in the first half and they had a 10-yard and an 8-yard run mixed in.  Yeah, the D looked better against the run than they have for much of the year, but we aren’t exactly talking huge sample size here.

We’re playing the same type of defense in the second half, the same type of things

Possibly a problem?

and all of the sudden you miss a few tackles here or there and those become eight-, nine-yard plays.

OR–and maybe I’m nuts–those become 8- and 9-yard plays because the other teams has 30 minutes of polaroids on your defensive schemes and they see where to run and your buddy, Dick, hasn’t changed anything at the half.

So that’s all it takes for all of the sudden they go from doing something ineffectively to effectively and they were very committed to it.

I’d say they were committed to it and doing it effectively.  They had 14 of 20 runs that were for four yards or more.  Yes, that is definitely all on the tackling and has nothing to do with the fact that the Colts had a fucking blueprint for where to run in the second half.  Wouldn’t want to put any blame where it doesn’t belong.  Or hold someone accountable.

So I think that was the biggest problem yesterday.”

I wouldn’t say the BIGGEST, Bob.

(on if he thinks the problem on defense is the players, scheme or defensive calls)

Hmm…there’s one answer that would cover “playing the wrong players, running a shit scheme, and calling shit plays.”

“I just think we’ve found ways to break down, whether it’s breaking down assignment-wise, (or) breaking down (by), like I said, not tackling well yesterday in the second half.

Snatching Defeat From The Jaws Of Less-Likely Defeat: Your 2008 Houston Texans!

Obviously, as coaches, we can always do a better job.

Some moreso than others.

But when you’re not doing something effectively in this game,

For example, winning.

there’s enough blame to go around

Yet you never seem to single anyone out.  Apparently, there’s so much blame that everyone is equally culpable.  That’s a lot of blame, man.

and we start with ourselves as coaches,

JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WOULD YOU FIRE HIM ALREADY?!

trying to figure out a way to do a better job for them and players doing a better job of doing their jobs better and at the same time,

And then the better job better with us doing better in the better sense.  What?

getting some young guys involved and seeing if they can do it better.

Better.

We’re a football team that’s played a lot of players.

And lost a lot of winnable games.  And caused a lot of words to be written in anger.

We don’t have those seven or eight guys that are inactive every week.

Unless were talking about the starting defense!  ZING!

Our guys have played and are getting some opportunities to play.  About the only guy that hasn’t played on the defensive side of the ball with some amount of time at all is really (CB Antwaun) Molden. I think we’ve got to start to give him a look.”

Your secondary has been shit for 10 games and you are just now thinking that maybe Molden, who has been busting his ass on STs, should get some burn. VISIONARY!

(on CB Dunta Robinson saying there were a lot of blown assignments on defense) “Well, I don’t think that’s right.

Attempting To Hold People Accountable Scoreboard:  Dunta, 1.  Gary, 0.

I would disagree with him there.

I can disagree that the sun came up this morning.  Doesn’t necessarily make me right.

I think there are some technique issues.

You mean things like “turning your head in coverage?”

There’s a difference in not knowing what you’re doing and knowing what you’re doing and not performing the technique.

Not really; both are just different aspects of poor coaching.

Whether it’s a coverage technique or a stunt technique, we did have some technique issues in the game that we did right during the week, did not do right during the game.

This could have been said following almost any game in the Texans’ history and it would still be valid.

We’ll sit down and address those and talk about those as a group.

“I’ll start by saying ’so, what the fuck happened out there,’ and then Richard will be all like ‘hey, don’t look it me; we did it right in practice!’”

You’re going to have mistakes in that game.

Yeah, we’ve realized that by now.

Whether it’s offensively or defensively, I’d like to sit here and tell you I’ve been around perfect football a long time.

“But I haven’t, at least not since I left Denver, ya know?”

You’re always striving for perfection.

Striving for perfection is fine in theory, but right now I’d settle for you guys striving for “not suck” and working from there.

I don’t know if you ever find it, but it sure is fun trying to find it.

It’s like playing Hide The Midget in a Guatemalan brothel!

You’re going to make mistakes in the game as players.

And as coaches.

But the key is, do you make a few plays that make up for them?

Not usually.

Do you have five or six bad plays on defense

On a good week.

or do you knock a ball out in the pocket or get an interception or get a fumble?

You mean our defensive is allowed to take the ball from the other team?  Is this a new rule?  I’ve never seen it happen, so I am completely dumbfounded.  I feel like Donovan McNabb.

That makes up for a lot of things.

Or would if we ever got one.

We had mistakes on offense yesterday.

No shit?

We had a kid (RB Steve Slaton) take one 71 yards.  That makes up for mistakes.

Well, other than that HUGE one at the end of the game.

So what you hope as a football team is that you’re making plays to offset mistakes, and right now, we’re having a hard time doing that.”

And that has nothing to do with coaching?  Nothing at all?

(on if he has given any consideration of changing personnel with defensive coaches or players)

Of course not.

“I’m always active with them, but no.

Told ya.

We have the right people doing it.

Liar.

We just have to keep battling and do it better.”

/bangs head repeatedly on desk

Now, to distract you with boobies.

Random Thought: People who are Titans fans only because Vince Young was drafted by the Titans should all be stabbed in the face.  You root for a draft pick bust and get rewarded with the second-best team in the NFL right now?  Fuck you to death, asshole.

Scout. It was nice of the Plain Dealer to write up a real scouting report and not mention Sage sucking, us sucking generally on the road, or any of the myriad other flaws they could have found.  Hey, Antwaun Molden went to a local high school!  Huzzah!

Finally. More cheerleaders!

NFL

Schaub will be out longer than Texans thought
Quarterback might get back before end of season.
ASSOCIATED PRESS
Tuesday, November 18, 2008

HOUSTON — Texans coach Gary Kubiak said Monday that Houston quarterback Matt Schaub’s recovery from a knee injury will take longer than the two to four weeks initially projected.

Schaub has been out two weeks with an injured medial collateral ligament. Kubiak said it could be another four weeks. There are six games left in the season.

Schaub was injured in a Nov. 2 loss at Minnesota on a pair of below-the-knee hits that got Jared Allen fined $50,000.

With Sage Rosenfels at the helm, the Texans have dropped three straight. Rosenfels has seven interceptions with four touchdowns this season.

Matt wanted me to cover a News and Notes this morning, but I had been pondering a different topic.  And, considering I go into meetings for the next four hours here in about….18 minutes, fuck it.  Here we go.

I had a lot of hope before the season started.  However, the alarm bells on our defense started ringing during the pre-season, and little has been done to improve the situation since.  In fact, Richard Smith’s complete inability to dress his best guys, much less start them, has been painful to watch.

Our offense has clearly not been the problem.  Yes, it would be nice to keep Teh Schaub healthy.  And, yes, it would be nice if Duane Brown could do better against speed rushers.  But, I strongly believe we have the best WR/TE group in the NFL, and Super Steve Slaton has been awesome (5.1 yards/carry) while Ahman Green is even toting the rock at a solid pace (4.2 yards/carry).  Not signing Ron “Three Pies and a Cloud of Meringue” Dayne was the best non-draft move we made all year.

The defense.  Wow, the defense.

At BRB, the postgame vent thread had a lot of yapping about the draft.  I fully admit I don’t understand the inclusion of a QB in that discussion (that high, at least) when I damn well know The University of Texas at Austin offense could drop a double-nickle on the Texans easily.  The defense is that pathetic.

Here are my thoughts about the draft and a touch on our defensive philosophy heading into 2009.

First, let’s switch to a 3-4 defense under our new defensive coordinator (Wade Phillips, maybe?).  This could give us a defensive line of Mario, Frank Okam and Earl Cochran.  Your linebackers would be made up of DeMeco Ryans, Xavier Adibi, and Zac Diles.  In the defensive backfield, you have Fred Bennett and Dunta Robinson.

Wait a minute.  It appears I am now three players short on defense.  Oh, I know!  How about Brian Orakpo with our first pick?  I think he could be somebody who could come off the edge or drop back into coverage a la DeMarcus Ware.

Then, we need to address the fact that our safeties suck and they’ve always sucked.  And that’s how we start improving this team.  Something radical needs to be done on the defensive side of the ball.

Let’s hear some suggestions.

Well, along those same lines, I can’t really think of a word that describes how you feel after something bad happens when you knew all along it was going to happen.  I mean, “deflated” doesn’t really get there, because your hopes were never really up if you were being realistic.  “Pissed” doesn’t cover it because it’s hard to get too angry about something you saw coming; that’d be like getting angry that Saw VI was being released.  So I am going to go with “ensaged.”  For example, you totally screw up a million dollar project at work and subsequently get fired, your firing could leave you ensaged–you saw it coming, but it still pretty much sucks.

In that vein, I was totally ensaged with the ending of yesterday’s game.  When we got the ball back with roughly two minutes, bigwood25, who was watching the game at my house, commented that we still had plenty of time and would probably win this to get even for the previous loss to Indy.  Already resigned to my fate, I remarked, simply, “no, Sage will definitely find a way to mess this up.  I have no doubt.”

Interception, ballgame.  Ensagination ensues.

What does it even mean when you reach this point with your team, when you are absolutely positive that they will find a way not to win a game that most teams (other than the Rams and Chiefs) would have had better-than-average odds to win?  Two minutes left with a top five offense–we should have had at least 50-50 odds to get there and get it done.  But I bet you would be hard-pressed to find a Texans fan who had even the slightest hope that we would actually pull it out.  Because we never, ever, EVER do.

So, yeah.  I was ensaged.  Damn it.  But I went from ensaged to full-on irritated when I read the following postgame quotes:

Kubiak: (on the interception at the end of the game) “The thing that you are trying to do right there is just get yourself in position to throw a Hail Mary toward the end zone. That’s all you are trying to do.”

No.  NO.  That is NOT “all you are trying to do.”  You had the ball in their territory with about a minute to play.  You had an offense that had moved the ball well all day.  They had yet to consistently stop your passing game OR your running game.  Wht you are trying to do there is march down the field, get out of bounds around the 15- or 20-yard line with 25 seconds to play, and take two to three shots at the endzone on real pass patterns.  Saying you were trying to get in Hail Mary position in that situation is either revisionist history or, more likely, a sign that you had ZERO faith in your QB to actually manufacture a crunch-time drive.  Neither answer really pleases me, but the latter is especially irritating since you continue to insist that the team doesn’t miss a beat when we switch from Matt to Sage.  Would Schaub have made that drive?  I honestly don’t know.  But I do know I would have felt roughly 13183736 times more confident in our chances.  Then again, if you are just telling the team to get into chuck-and-pray position, maybe ANY confidence on my part would have been severely misguided.

Sage: (on the interception in the final drive) “We had four verticals on and they rolled a cover that sort of surprised me and I thought I had a chance with Kevin (Walter) on the sideline. I saw Owen Daniels flash. I think Owen Daniels was open enough, but I just made a bad threw [sic]. I threw it behind him and probably should have just checked the ball down or something else. I really just made a bad throw. You know, we had a chance. To come into this place, it’s a hard place to win and we had a chance. They made the plays today and we didn’t.”

First..wait…”sort of surprised” you?  Really?  A six-man zone when they are trying to keep everything in front of them and not give you the sidelines “surprised” you?  Are you also surprised when the sun comes up?  That coverage was not the least bit surprising; they’d used something similar for most of the drive.  Just because the corner stuck with Owen a little longer than he had before should not be surprising, especially for an NFL QB.

Second, “probably?”  So you’re saying there’s a chance you should have still gone ahead and made that same throw?  Even knowing what you know now?  Good god.

Finally, not “we.”  You.  Well, you and the defense, but for purposes of this conversation, YOU failed to make the play.  You threw an awful ball that everyone watching knew you would throw.  That not on anyone but the guy tossing the pigskin.\

In the end, though, whether ensagenated or irritated, the end result is the same—another loss, another lost season, and another week of cursing the names of Sage Rosenfels and Jared Allen.  Great.  Because I don’t already have enough of that in my life, right?

To:  Bob McNair - Owner, Houston Texans

Dear Bob McNair & Gary Kubiak,

We, the fans of the Houston Texans, hereby demand that you hold your defensive coordinator accountable for the years of woeful defense [sic] effort, scheme and soft attitude by immediately firing Richard Smith. Our defense has been consistently horrible for years under his leadership; this is not new information. The Texans['] defense is near the worst in the league in pass defense, run defense, turnovers, sacks, and QB pressures. In short, this is embarrassing, and the effort turned in by our defense week in, week out is futile at best. Our team has multiple first round picks, yet continue [sic] to regress. That’s on the coaching staff!

At 3-7 with 6 games left, show the fans who support this team some respect by holding your team accountable. There’s no reason on earth why you need to wait another six weeks. Enough is enough. FIRE RICHARD SMITH!!!!!
Sincerely,

The Undersigned

Questionable commas and irritating [sic]s aside, it goes without saying that I am onboard with this effort.  H/T to Dan for bringing this to my attention.  Now someone just needs to bring it to the attention of Bob and Gary.

Inactives:

Texans’ inactives are:
8      QB      Matt Schaub
11      WR      André Davis
56      LB      Morlon Greenwood
53      LB      Kevis Coley
64      G      Kasey Studdard
78      T      Rashad Butler
87      TE      Mark Bruener
91      DT      Amobi Okoye

Xavier Adibi starts for Greenwood.  Rookies, overall, should get a lot of PT today.  See y’all at BRB as I can.

Last week: 10-3

Year: 19-8 (regardless, I kick Matt’s ass)

Jets at Pattie-Cakes: Yeah, I would’ve pick the Patriots.  I really, truly hate Brett Favre now.

Bronc-ettes at Fawlcons (British pronouciation): The Matt Ryan legend lives on!  Pick: Atlanta.

JUGGERNAUT at Colts: Unlike DHC, I ain’t drunk enough to think the Texans are gonna win this one.  Fact is, I hope we lose like 63-49, and Richard Smith is fired immediately after the game.  Pick: Dolts.

Raiders at Dolphins: Is the most boring game on Sunday?  Pick: Phins.

Ravens at Gints: This will be a fun game to watch.  I don’t think the Ravens D is as vaunted as people make it out to be - only Sage could make them look that good.  But it’ll still be a classic defensive struggle, with the Gints winning.  Big.  Pick Giants.

Lions @ Panthers: Wow, what a mis-match on paper.  However, it’s a mis-match in real life, too.  Pick: Panthers.

Iggles @ Bungles: OK, so my pick that the Eagles would win it all might officially be a tad off.  But when Ocho Cinco went home tonight, he couldn’t figure out which was real: him or his multitude of paintings and pictures of himself.  It was like a Hall of Mirrors!  Pick: Eagles.

Da Bears @ Da Packers: Why does this game interest me as much as an enema via firehose?  Pick: Packers.

Aints @ Native American leadership position: I don’t care if the Chiefs are home, I think this one is gonna get ugly.  Anybody playing the Rams ugly.  Pick: Aints.

Viqueens @ Yuccaneers: Fuck.  Jared.  Allen.  With a rusty shovel.  And the shovel is full of fire ants.  And bees.  And wasps.  And piranhas.  And they’re all really pissed off.  Pick: Bucs.

Rams @ 49ers: This is one of those games that should just be cancelled.  Heidi-ed, if you will.  I mean, hell, put a wig on Joe Namath, give him a 12-pack, and it’d be a helluva lot more entertaining.  Pick: Not the Rams.

Cardinals @ Sea-shits: Well, at least I didn’t have Seattle doing anything.  Pick:Cardinals.

BE-SFs @ Jagwars: This is where it ends, Tman.  And it won’t be close.  Pick: Jaguars.

Chargers @ Steelers: If Pittsburgh had an o-line, they would be the best of the AFC.  And if the Texans had a d-coordinator, we wouldn’t be 3-6 and guzzling razor blades.  Pick: Steelers.

Cowfuckers @ Politically unacceptable nicknames: Tony Romo is back!  Foomey said so!  Pick: Redskins.

Brownies @ Bills: Wow, and we thought last week’s Monday night match-up was lame, and they bring this shit out?  OK, it’s better, but not by much.  Pick: Bills.

This week: Whatever and 0.  Beetches.